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Sexual OCD vs. Fetishes (Possible Triggers)

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Could I please get some clarification on the difference between OCD and actual fetishes?

Let me start by saying that I’m a 33-year-old woman with a diagnosis of OCD. I was diagnosed approximately 15 years ago, and in that time, I have educated myself about my disorder and how to handle it. I am able to recognize most of my OCD thoughts. I feel I am actually doing really well with Harm OCD, Suicidal OCD, Magical Thinking OCD, POCD, etc. (Yes, I have had all of those types and others!) I know for certain that I don’t want to harm anyone, commit suicide, sexually abuse children, and that my thoughts will not cause bad things to happen to my loved ones. However, I have one (possible) OCD concern.

My potential fetish or OCD-related obsession is not harmful to anyone. It’s not about pedophilia, homosexuality, rape/non-consensual activities, animals, incest, intentionally unhealthy people, or anything like that. However, it does disgust me, and I hate myself for it. At the same time, I think I may actually want the feelings I get when I think about, read about, listen to others talk about, watch videos of, etc. I enjoy masturbating to it in the moment, but later I feel shame.

I mentioned the actual content of my potential sexual OCD or fetish in another post, but it was deleted. I’m too embarrassed to type all of that again. Also, I’m afraid it’s too perverted and that’s why it got deleted. It involves bathroom-related activities, but I won’t get into specifics. I will say that it doesn’t involve touching anything unsanitary.  

All of the videos I watch involve adults voluntarily recording themselves. I don’t necessarily want to be a part of anything related to it in person. I just enjoy watching it (or at least I think I do). Maybe I’m watching it to prove that it is a fetish and checking how I feel, but maybe I just enjoy it. I know some people are more accepting of this sort of thing these days, but I don’t feel comfortable discussing it with anyone, not even my psychiatrist.

I have noticed that I’m not actually attracted to any of the people I watch in videos, but what’s going on in them seems to make me feel good. I am turned on by “normal” sex stuff, too (although I wonder if it’s maybe not as arousing to me as this is).

I feel the need to mention that, in addition to OCD, I have a diagnosis of ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar II disorder (a very recent diagnosis). I think I may be experiencing some hypersexuality right now due to the bipolar disorder. Otherwise, my hypomania only involves increased energy and excessive working, excessive talking/posting on social media, and irritability. I am also ovulating, and time of the month this has increased my sex drive for as long as I can remember. In addition, I am a 33-year-old virgin (not entirely by choice). I am very self-conscious about this fact. I recently started masturbating for the first time. However, the feelings and desires I have related to this particular subject have been there since long before I started masturbating to it. I first noticed this in 2009. I have tried to dismiss it as just OCD, but it hasn’t gone away like the other thoughts. I’m currently trying to simply accept it as a kink/fetish, but I still feel the shame sometimes.

If anyone has any thoughts about this, please let me know. I feel like no one really talks about non-harmful fetishes/kinks and how they do/don’t relate to OCD.

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It doesn't sound like you actually have an issue with the fetish itself, saying you enjoy masturbating to it etc, but more that the OCD is focussing on the shame you feel, probably due to social stigma that getting off to your fetish is disgusting or unacceptable. You don't seem unsure about whether it turns you on, or ruminate about whether you enjoy it or whether its ethically correct or masturbate to check arousal (which would be more Sexual OCD-ish behavior), but you engage with it because you enjoy it, correct me if I am wrong. Now that gives you in my eyes two possibilities: Accept the fetish and enjoy it, and learn to disregard OCD thoughts about social stigma and treat yourself with self-love and compassion. In the end, what you wanna get off to is entirely your own concern and nobody has the right to judge. In a study, nearly half of women and men say they enjoy their rape fantasies for example.
The other possibility is that you try to get rid of the fetish or weaken and minimize it. Whether thats possible depends on how you got it. If you got it in childhood or puberty, its a natural fetish and you will only be able to weaken it by starving it of reinforcing it through masturbation or watching porn with it or fantasizing about it. You basically treat it like a smoker his cigarette when he wants to stop, accept the urges, and then refocus on other activities whenever the topic comes up in your head. If you got it later in life (for example by watching porn that showed it), then it could be a conditioned fetish and can be eliminated by a prolonged period of the same behavior, including lasting abstinence from porn. Also, some people lose their fetishes from taking SSRI, but this can also completely kill their sex drive, so its a bit of a game of luck. This should especially in your case not be taken without precautions, because in bipolar disorder, SSRIs can induce a manic phase. Also, hypersexuality can lead to paraphiliac behavior, so if you are manic right now, a mood stabilizer like lithium or an atypical antipsychotic could reduce your sex drive.

Also, you shouldn't be self concious about being a virgin. Everyone can easily get laid if they go low enough with their standards, so especially since you are a woman that just means you don't want to compromise and thats fine.

Kind regards

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