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Pure O. The fear of depression and suicide

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Hi! My name is Margaret. I have a fear of depression and suicide. Yesterday I felt like I want nothing, no interest, no motivation. And I thought, that this is a depression. I was really scary and today I woke up with this anxiety.  I don't know what to do, cause I'm really afraid that this is a depression. Help me please!

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Did you just suddenly feel depressed out of nowhere or do you have a history of depression? I’m curious because I had the same problem one time where I felt depressed. But it was more because I was over analyzing it and it was my POCD causing real symptoms of depression. Once I realized it was an OCD problem and not necessarily a depression problem it faded away soon.

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I have a history. I had OCD about depression and suicide. I really think about it all the time and can't get rid of it. How did you realize that its an OCD problem and not a depression?

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I don't know what to do, cause I'm really scary about this. I didn't suddenly feel depressed, I had diagnosed by OCD. OCD of depression and suicide. And yesterday I felt that I want nothing and so on. So I'm really afraid that this is a depression, how did you realize that its an OCD problem?

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Honestly, the way I realized was I went to my therapist at the time. I told him that it started with me having a really bad week with other OCD problems and I got overwhelmed with ruminating/analyzing and then suddenly I started feeling depressed. He was then able to help me realize that I've been constantly thinking/ruminating about being depressed. Yes, I did initially feel depressed because I had been through a lot that week. But the constant rumination/analyzing about feeling depressed added fuel to the fire to keep it there.

I don't know what initially triggered you the very first time into feeling depressed or if it just happened randomly. But, you said it yourself, "I really think about it all the time and can't get rid of it." That is the issue. By constantly checking, for example, "am I feeling depressed today", "why am I not in the mood to do this" "will I wake up feeling depressed" "I must be depressed" etc. You also said, "I had diagnosed by OCD. OCD of depression and suicide." OCD can come in any form it wants to. For example, it can be OCD of sexual orientation, OCD of self or family harm, etc., and literally anything you fear. The point is, OCD is the root of all these themes. What you fear and constantly think about will cause you to feel anything(like depression). And I'm not saying your feelings of depression are not valid. Because I know first hand they are. But what is it caused by. Do you truly feel you are chronically depressed or is it that your OCD makes you constantly think about it? (making you depressed)

I am not a professional by any means. I am only speaking through my experiences because my constant thinking about it made it feel real.

vice108 has reacted to this post.
vice108
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OCD about depression and suicide is one of the most common types of OCD that I see. This theme comes with thoughts and with sensations. Also when you are having OCD obviously you feel sad. That's everyone with OCD. Also the world right now is in lockdown which is sad. But this has nothing to do with suicide and depression. You are having sad feelings because you are in sad place. It will lift as you do recovery work. Track how much time you are ruminating and reduce as much as you can each day. This is a very  common OCD theme, you can overcome it! I am attaching tracking below:

Wake - 9am - mins

9 - 12 - mins

12 - 3 - mins

3 - 6 - mins 6-9 - mins

9-sleep

 

 

aojha003 has reacted to this post.
aojha003
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Quote from TLgoat16 on December 20, 2020, 2:31 pm

Honestly, the way I realized was I went to my therapist at the time. I told him that it started with me having a really bad week with other OCD problems and I got overwhelmed with ruminating/analyzing and then suddenly I started feeling depressed. He was then able to help me realize that I've been constantly thinking/ruminating about being depressed. Yes, I did initially feel depressed because I had been through a lot that week. But the constant rumination/analyzing about feeling depressed added fuel to the fire to keep it there.

I don't know what initially triggered you the very first time into feeling depressed or if it just happened randomly. But, you said it yourself, "I really think about it all the time and can't get rid of it." That is the issue. By constantly checking, for example, "am I feeling depressed today", "why am I not in the mood to do this" "will I wake up feeling depressed" "I must be depressed" etc. You also said, "I had diagnosed by OCD. OCD of depression and suicide." OCD can come in any form it wants to. For example, it can be OCD of sexual orientation, OCD of self or family harm, etc., and literally anything you fear. The point is, OCD is the root of all these themes. What you fear and constantly think about will cause you to feel anything(like depression). And I'm not saying your feelings of depression are not valid. Because I know first hand they are. But what is it caused by. Do you truly feel you are chronically depressed or is it that your OCD makes you constantly think about it? (making you depressed)

I am not a professional by any means. I am only speaking through my experiences because my constant thinking about it made it feel real.

I had a history of OCD, and only the day before yesterday I felt like I want nothing, I don't want to do anything. I don't know why, I started remember my past relationship and all my past. It makes me pain. It hurts me. I don't know what to do.

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Your history of OCD should tell you it's OCD. Spend less time ruminating about it each week. It will be tough but you will eventually feel better. If the thought or feeling comes in accept it and then do something else. go for a walk, watch a movie, etc even if it hurts and you don't feel like doing it.

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aojha003