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Please somebody help! I'm confused

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I am soo confused with some of my sexual obsessions. Some of my urges made me mad. I have an urge to watch odd things on YouTube such as chloroforming womens.Also I have the frequent urge to masturbate. These things made me guilty and shy. Because of these urges I feel like I attracted to women. I am really afraid to think about that. My mind always questioning me that,'why I have such odd urges?'i am confused and I feel helpless. I feel like I' m the only person having these type of issues. Also I feel anxious around kids. I feel so afraid when remembering the moments that I played with my cousins. I feel like I used them for some of my odd desires. But absolutely nothing like that. I am too shy to tell this from doctor or even from my mother. Please somebody help! Is this ocd? And normal? 

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I think you have pocd and hocd it is absolutely normal to have both main themes at a same times!! It is best to stop watching porn or any other stuff and start doing erp and track the time  it helps me all the time .ocd can come in sensation ,urges,false attraction ,false proof, images , thoughts it is just normal, leave them . Good luck in your recovery.

 

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Thankyou soo much. I feel little relief?

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I commented on this when it was listed under Sexual OCD, and I guess my comment got deleted. I am really confused about whether I have a fetish/kink or if it’s just more OCD. The whole thing was so embarrassing, and it took a lot for me to type all of that. I don’t see my comment anywhere, and now I just feel disgusting.