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I am left handed

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I am left handed with hocd. I recently read that left handed people have a higher chance of becoming gay than right handed ones. This is really freaking me out. What if I was born this way? I really really don't wanna be homosexual. I wanna be straight and grow up. And I can't stop thinking about this. What if I am just in denial? These thoughts literally haunt me all the time. Please help me.

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Bloody hell.. thats a first to hear lol You will be happy to know that people are born gay and dont turn and dont change- Gay people are not on forums like this worried about being that way- They are happy being that way because thats how they are.

Get ontop of OCD before it ruins you....!

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But this OCD is really troubling me in my day to day life too. If I am with friends of the same sex I get worried that I'm staring at them or that I wanna kiss them or something. And if I find any girl remotely attractive it just makes me worry so much. I'm afraid that I was born this way and was living a lie till now. But I still had feelings towards guys before and they were really true. But the intrusive thoughts are simple not stopping and I am really worried that I would find out later on that I was just in denial that I was gay

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Quote from starstruck on February 1, 2021, 2:59 am

But this OCD is really troubling me in my day to day life too. If I am with friends of the same sex I get worried that I'm staring at them or that I wanna kiss them or something. And if I find any girl remotely attractive it just makes me worry so much. I'm afraid that I was born this way and was living a lie till now. But I still had feelings towards guys before and they were really true. But the intrusive thoughts are simple not stopping and I am really worried that I would find out later on that I was just in denial that I was gay

All are tactics of OCD.  OCD literally throws everything it has got in order for you to react and protect yourself! When you start recovering the first week or 2 are very hard... every second it's throwing anything and everything... until you look at your past and realised it's said it all before..  and nothing ever happens... and it never will! It's all OCD 

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starstruck
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I am really trying so hard but it's just not stopping. Nowadays my mind is even trying to convince me that I didn't actually like the guys I thought I did and I actually liked girls. I actually had intrusive thoughts before too but I always managed to overcome them and keep them in check but right now I have just gotten through a breakup and they are really intense this time. I just, I don't know what to do. I don't want to be gay I really don't. But these thoughts simply just don't stop no matter what I do. And I have read the replies on this site and I understand that if I was actually gay I would not be here seeking reassurance but then I always think 'what if I am?' and the whole cycle of thoughts just starts again

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Because you are still reassurance seeking and definitely ruminating. You probably have other compulsions you are doing as well in response to your spikes that are maintaining your fears. Rumination is just problem solving btw. It can be as simple as what you want for lunch or as complex as the meaning of your left hand. Nothing said here can convince you well enough or for long enough that your fear is not legitimate. Reassurance seeking and rumination, paradoxically, only increase uncertainty and doubt. They strengthen the grip that ocd has on you. You need to learn, as a skill, how to stop trying to answer this question rather than trying to make it go away.

 

I highly suggest you reach out to an ocd specialist and start recovery work. NOCD if you are in the US, Better Help if not. Ali sees patients at a similar price. Ocd is particularly rampant right now so you may have to be wait listed if you prefer to see someone locally. But it needs to be made clear by an ocd specialist and not other people who hate having ocd that recovery is not getting rid of the thoughts. Not at all. It is learning how to allow the thoughts, urges, images, sensations, feelings, emotions or any other intrusive thing be there and not respond to it. That the anxiety either goes away on its own or that you can live through uncertainty. Recovery is to make the problem so insignificant that you needn’t offer up any kind of response when it presents itself to you. That you are able to live by your personal values regardless of your thoughts or the emotions they bring. This is a skill. It must be learned, practiced, and maintained. It is achieved only by ERP though habituation (where it becomes background noise to the point you are unaware of it being there) or acceptance of uncertainty (that the problem doesn’t have to be solved). ERP is also often combined with CBT (correcting common thinking errors), ACT (accept and commitment therapy (uncertainty), and mindfulness (meditation). All things that are taught by professionals and that have shown to be especially useful for things like HOCD and pure O. Those that partake in mental compulsions. And they are not things one should try to learn alone.

No one here knows for sure if you are gay or not. We don’t know you. Nothing you say can tell us enough about you for us to know with 100% certainty that you never were, aren’t becoming or have become, and never will be gay or act in a manner in which you find uncharacteristic of who you thought you were. No one can say that the specifics of your thoughts or experiences 100% matched theirs and so thusly it must “just be ocd.” You can’t think deeply enough to figure it out for yourself either or you wouldn’t be here right now. That’s never worked for anyone with ocd. The only thing anyone can say with absolute certainty is that if you do have OCD and you don’t start practicing response prevention (ERP) and be committed to it no matter how real it feels you will never get better and your fears will only be maintained or worsened by your desperate need to solve this problem. I know this isn’t what you wanted hear but I hope it helps regardless. 

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Dawgstarstruck
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People ARE BORN THAT WAY!!!! THEY DO NOT TURN OR CHANGE!!!!

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Today I read a post about someone going through something similar and they said that in the end they accepted those thoughts and that they are bi or gay or something. And now I'm even more afraid because I don't want to accept those thoughts because I don't wanna be gay because firstly, I don't want to fall in love with the same sex and secondly, no one in my household is accepting of all this. But mostly the first one. And I am not a homophobe but I just, I don't want to be gay. I broke up in my last relationship which was a perfect relationship tbh because I was having intrusive thoughts that I didn't actually like him. Now I get the thoughts that I didn't like him because I am actually gay. This is seriously freaking me out. I am a student so I can't go to a therapist or a professional, but I am trying my hardest to practise mindfulness at home. Just, I want these thoughts to go away so I can live my life in peace.

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Dawg
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STOP RESEARCHING!!!! AND LOOKING FOR REASSURANCE!!! People are born that way!!!! They have DESIRE and want- Not fear and disgust!!! ITS OCDs way of getting you to freak out! So stop searching the internet- There are a lot of idiots who say that rubbish but are born like that- Sick of the BS on the internet- It doesnt help OCD sufferers!!! 

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starstruck
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It feels so real. It feels as though I want it even though I don't. I don't know what to do, the thoughts just keep lingering, I can't ignore them forever. I just want it to stop. I want a nice future with a nice husband and kids, this is my ideal future. And now these thoughts are trying to disrupt all of that. I don't want that I just don't. I can't deal with it anymore. And sometimes it feels so real, it feels as though I'm destined to love and be with girls and I really really don't want that and I just don't know what is real anymore. I just want to be normal again. By the way this is day 3 of my mindfulness program.

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