Quote from Seamstress on April 18, 2021, 7:43 am
I feel your pain. I have been through a lot of the same situations as you have and it was before I knew how OCD really worked and how to do ERP. I also was more afraid of causing harm to someone else more than illness to myself and would have extreme guilt and fear which would consume me. Some things I would suggest - difficult as they may be. Stop researching various illnesses - it will only make things worse, as you probably already know. Realize that we really have little control in life - some, but not as much as we think. Don't ask for reassurance. It may feel good for a minute and reduce the guilt and fear, but OCD will only find something else for you to think about. Right now you feel responsible for every scenario which is also part of OCD.
Try to let the scary thoughts and feelings be there but go on with your life. It will not be easy, but after a while things will get better and the anxiety will reduce. It sounds like you are like many people who have OCD - a caring and loving person who feels over-responsible for others so OCD has latched unto this situation.
Let me know how you are doing in the future and realize that you are not alone.