Quote from hope on April 3, 2021, 12:59 am
I've had the same thing, basically I can't always tell if its a real memory or not. I don't hear many people saying this but sometimes I really can't tell, and it scares me so much. I get the same as you, images, feelings, familiarity. I researched false memory and apparently when things are suggested people very commonly make up completely false memories that they believe are 100% true (but are completely made up) and I think OCD people can do that to themselves.
The thing is, there is no way to know, and we have to live with the uncertainty and the good thing is, every time I reduce my OCD I look at the bigger picture my brain switches over to "mehwho cares, maybe you did, but its unlikely" because its almost like my confidence in who I am comes back and after the OCD goes, and then I know I'm not a horrible person. It's strange. I'm in a false memory OCD right now and it's awful.
Also, I would steer clear of that new agey spiritual stuff. In therapy I was told I can either believe in Law of Attraction or have OCD. You just can't have the belief that your thoughts are causing things to happen magically....LOA is literally OCD imo. Maybe that's not what you are into but I don't think talking to "spirits" is helping you in any way.
One thing that really helps me when nothing else will, is exposure by writing down my fears. It helps a lot, I have to start doing it again. I was stuck in really bad false memory stuff and I would write it out on paper like "worried i did X" "worried my memory of X is real and feel X" write a decent amount of detail and face it, write a list about feeling, worries, images, what you think you did. You're already thinking it anyway. Then burn it or shred it or whatever you want to do (I had a fireplace). THEN use Alis meathod of not ruminating. She also recommends the writing thing. It does help a ton. I used to do this 2x per day if i was really bad. I also tracked while trying not to ruminate, it makes you aware of when you start to ruminate, so then you can stop. I'd just allow the anxiety, thoughts and try to listen to a podcast that I was interested in. I'd suggest finding Ali's video for instruction on this, I'm not a professional so I don't want to make anyone worse, it just worked for me.
Some physical things can help like Ali says, waking up no later than 9. I find getting a good hour or two of sunlight helps, light actually signals our body to make certain hormones and can lower cortisol later in the day having just 20min of outdoor light in the morning. Best to get it within 30min after waking.
Hope this helps and you feel better soon!