Quote from starstruck on February 6, 2021, 3:08 am
I get that too. But very recently I have understood that what I have is called OCD. But recently the OCD has been twisting my memories too. I have been remembering every single time I have found a girl attractive and it is telling me that that means that I liked her. But honestly I have never liked girls in that way. I have just admired them and wanted to be friends with them. But nowadays even if I find a girl a bit attractive, the OCD is triggered and I start freaking out. I try and sit with the feelings but I don't know for how long I can do that without entertaining those thoughts. And I am really afraid that someday when I actually like a guy, my OCD with jeopardize that relationship too. I am just really really afraid that I am actually gay. I don't wanna be gay. I really don't. But this feels so real, it's twisting everything I say, everything I look at. Will these thoughts ever stop by mindfulness exercises and all that? Like I have had these thoughts before too but I have always ignored them because there is no logical basis for them but this time for the past 2 weeks they have been the most intense and I can't give logical explanations this time because they just won't stop.