Quote from Guest on February 5, 2021, 11:15 pm
Quote from starstruck on February 5, 2021, 5:24 am
It feels so real. It feels as though I want it even though I don't. I don't know what to do, the thoughts just keep lingering, I can't ignore them forever. I just want it to stop. I want a nice future with a nice husband and kids, this is my ideal future. And now these thoughts are trying to disrupt all of that. I don't want that I just don't. I can't deal with it anymore. And sometimes it feels so real, it feels as though I'm destined to love and be with girls and I really really don't want that and I just don't know what is real anymore. I just want to be normal again. By the way this is day 3 of my mindfulness program.
Its exactly what i go through and a daily basis and my chest tightens and i want to scream and kill someone... it comes whenever it decides to... I drive, i walk somewhere- its on constant alert. I am a male- married with my wife that i have been with for over 10 years... I will share my story with you some day- Just remember this...
How many times as it said or thrown something at you? How many of those times that felt so real came true? None... because it never will! OCD will literally attach it self to anyone... and i MEAN ANYONE. The issue is we have charged it up so much that it attaches to everything. When it has nothing to attach itself to.. it just says you are that.. you want that.. its you... you want it.. its real... the WHOLE lot... and i know what you are going through... It is all lies- It is all BS.
I am still in recovery and some days are harder then others... i have lost so much from ocd, however i see a great professor who specialized in OCD and is a world renown phycologist for OCD and i pay almost $500 a session.
People who are that are ACTUALLY born that way. That is the honest truth. People do NOT turn and they DO NOT CHANGE. I do not want to get you reassurance... but remember how many times we have charged it up fighting against it... its going to take a bit to recover from it. I swore when i first saw my professor that i would not do ERP- but he assured me, trust me- If anything happens i will eat every bit of furniture in this room. I do ERP sessions every day or so.. Some days are easier then others. Some days the OCD attaches the ERP and it becomes a Ritual. I did a ERP session and almost broke the bed how hard i was grabbing the timber in distress and watched it all fade away like it never happened.
We need to help each other to get through this- I am fortunate to have some of the best support. I am willing to help those who struggle like i am and have in the past!