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Harm OCD relapse need some help

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Hi, I have had OCD from a young age and have just had a bit of a relapse the past few days, differnce is this is the first time I’ve relapsed in a year and first first time I’ve relapsed off medication and out of therapy since then. I’m a bit lost and just need some help and hoping people are on here.

my mind is just constantly racing at the moment and can’t shut it up, I’ve dealt with relapses before and stopped it but I just don’t know how to with this one. At the moment it just feels like I want to and the question I can’t get out of my head is, is killing so bad, is it so bad to hurt someone if you just kill someone these thoughts will stop and you won’t feel sad the thoughts will stop if you do. And I’m so scared of that thought I’ve dealt with it before and I’ve overcome it but I’ve forgotten what I did to overcome my 2 year battle with this. Has anyone dealt with that thought before, cause I don’t want to kill/hurt people I hate it I’ve always been apolegitc even scratching someone and I don’t like causing harm I promise. But it feels so real like I want to kill so I can stop the thoughts but I don’t cause I hate it but it’s just the feelings and I hate the feelings they won’t go away. It’s wierd also cause I don’t know what’s wrong with me other than that that’s why it’s hard to make it go away the past week. It’s just feels like I want to see harm and that it won’t cause me pain. Like for example my minds convinced me if I see someone kill someone I’ll like it, but I accidentally hurt my dog before and I felt so guilty I don’t want to even see people get hurt I don’t like it. 

I guess I’m just a little lost at the moment and seeking re assurance that somebody else has had these thoughts. I know it’s bad to seek re assurance  but just tough atm. Just struggling to figure it out without a therapist. 

just hoping someone can see these post and tell me I won’t ever hurt someone like that and things will get better again. Just fearing that it’ll go on and won’t stop again

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I am in the process of recovery myself, however I can offer you some hope.  I understand where you are coming from.  When I get like you are right now I get so focused on the situation and the actual thoughts but later realize that they were OCD thoughts and it wouldn't matter what the thoughts were if I reacted to them in fear. Try to stop ruminating. Easier said than done I know. You have overcome this in the past and I know you will also this time.  Don't let the relapse drag you down either. You have been doing well and now it is prob. just a little bit different without medication and a therapist.

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Hi 

thanks for replying I’m trying it’s just this time feels so differnt and I’m scared, because this time I don’t have the help and I don’t wanna go back there as the past year has been amazing I’m just scared cause it feels so real

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Hi Corey,

I am not sure if you'll see this since it's been awhile. I hope things have gotten better for you in the time being. I definitely understand the struggle of intrusive thoughts.

Try to remember that people that actually seek/want to do awful things regarding harm, do not actually contemplate their feelings or feel bad for having the thoughts. You wouldn't catch someone truly evil seeking out help like you have on this forum. 

 

Now I know this is reassurance and you should learn to live without seeking it but this is also the truth.

 

Try to practice sitting with the thoughts. Become comfortable with these thoughts as if it were an average thought that crosses your mind.

It is not the thought but the fear that lies behind it that erks you...

I will send peaceful energy your way my friend. We all just want peace.

 

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Anonymous188796
Hi guys is anyone else’s volume in tracker app not working can’t hear introduction video
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Bayj
Is anyone here religious?
I don't call myself religious, but I do love Jesus! What's up?
Anonymous188684
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Anonymous188598
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Bayj
Is anyone here religious?
Anonymous185125
Anonymous186967
I'm so sick of this. I don't know what to do I don't know how I can help myself. Its getting too much
Follow Ali's videos and take it one day at a time. You can do it!
Anonymous186967
I'm so sick of this. I don't know what to do I don't know how I can help myself. Its getting too much
Anonymous188499
Dear Aly, I have sexual intrusive thoughts about everything, but in one month I have intrusive sexual thoughts about God. I have sensations like I am aroused, and once I listened meditation in witch say "energy of God" and I thought "sexual energy of God", and I have sensations in my groin that I couldn't stop like sexual pleasent, but unpleasent because it is God. And because of that I sit on my
Anonymous186967
Anonymous188387
I have really horrible harm and pocd, I can not accept the the premise its all gonna work out fine. I am so stuck at the moment I dont want my life anymore. So again, how do you guys have the guts to accept its ocd. (2)
honestly when i have ocd thoughts i always tell myself a 'normal' person wouldn't think like this. But it makes me feel worse because of the thoughts I have. Just remember everytime you have a thought from ocd don't forget you have ocd if that makes sense. Different things will work for everyone so try find something that will work for you. It takes so much work but you will get there.
Anonymous188387
Same person, please dont tell me i need to accept the unsurtanty, I tried that for years, it just doesnt work when your OCD tells you your a sick psychopath
Anonymous188387
btw I am not suicidal or anything, it was more like a a logical statement than anything else.
Anonymous188387
physical responses like groinal stuff. So im somewhere in between the believe I have OCD and I am a very f**ked up person. My question, how can I know I have OCD. When I listen to Ali I am convinced I have ocd but with all the stuff that happens I think its not OCD. Where do I get the courage to fight this, because when its not OCD the concequenses are so grim its better i dont walk on this planet
Anonymous188387
To give a better picture, my ocd convinces me I have very dark personality traits I supress, and when I stop with OCD behaviour I will basacly be a person like ted bundy. I dont want it, and by saying that to myself i this intrusion was gone for years, but lately it came back and its f**king me up big time. It tries me to convince I want this, and I am a monster, its also starting with the (3)
Anonymous188387
I have really horrible harm and pocd, I can not accept the the premise its all gonna work out fine. I am so stuck at the moment I dont want my life anymore. So again, how do you guys have the guts to accept its ocd. (2)
Anonymous188387
How do I get the courage to fight OCD, Its not that I lack the will to fight. I've tried everything to make the exposures work but because of the shithole OCD is I am convinced, everytime its not OCD
Anonymous188347
Anonymous188328
Hey I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I struggle with many of the same things. It’s incredibly hard and I’m nowhere near perfect at identifying the OCD and overcoming the OCD, but I know that I have hope. And you need to have hope smile hope is the most power tool in fighting the enemy’s lies. So keep strong, keep killing it. Be proud of yourself and the progress you’ve ma
thank you for your kind response, it means a lot to me
Anonymous186967
Anonymous188336
(4) same person a*s anonymous 188329, How do i supose to feel when in exposure. for example, when I do an exposure with harm OCD I feel like I can snap every moment and harm someone, when I am disregarding my ocd is screaming it louder than ever. (I supose this is normal because my i invalidate my thought and by that my brain thinks im in danger???)
For me doing exposure is so difficult and it just brings more and more thoughts. People say overtime the anxiety will eventually go down and for some people its easy but i'm so scared that i will never get better and maybe i'm just overthinking things
Anonymous188336
(5) I observe that I am really scared while disregarding (an emotion outside control, not like responding with fear but more like an auto response because my brain is hardwired this way) Is this normal or am I doing something wrong here. Ps thanks in advance for all the responses, i really love how people try to help while suffering themself, a true case of altruïsm if you ask me haha
Anonymous188336
(4) same person a*s anonymous 188329, How do i supose to feel when in exposure. for example, when I do an exposure with harm OCD I feel like I can snap every moment and harm someone, when I am disregarding my ocd is screaming it louder than ever. (I supose this is normal because my i invalidate my thought and by that my brain thinks im in danger???)
Anonymous188329
for what it is and dont buy in the content. So, is it reacurance behaviour or good (I see progress, dont know if its relevant)
Anonymous188329
keeping my s**t together when disregarding, my brain tends to automaticaly drift in reasurance behaviour. I've noticed that I listen to Ali on spotify almost religiously because it keeps my mind straight on what im doing and i dont enter OCD land. having sed that, Its not clear if its reasurance behaviour for me, because it DOES keep the anxiety low, but more in a way i keep seeing the thoughts (2
Anonymous188329
Hello everyone, i have a burning question (not as reasurance) I've tried everything to get rid of my OCD, and i see that i had a lot of reasurance seeking behaviour because the content of my thoughts are unbearable. I started with the greymond method by tracking all my ocd behaviour and I am a few days in, have to say its much harder than hirarchy. I just started with it, and I have a hard time (1
Anonymous188328
Anonymous188220
I need help, how can i know this is ocd. I have harm, pocd, cleaning ocd, false memory ocd, real event ocd, groinal responses, false attraction, how do i know, i dont want this, or that i dont have a horrible supressed side. Its killing me inside, i dont want to deal with this s**t any longer. I just cant accept the unknown, not with themes like these at least.
Hey I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I struggle with many of the same things. It’s incredibly hard and I’m nowhere near perfect at identifying the OCD and overcoming the OCD, but I know that I have hope. And you need to have hope smile hope is the most power tool in fighting the enemy’s lies. So keep strong, keep killing it. Be proud of yourself and the progress you’ve ma
Anonymous188224
guys i feel like im obsessed with someone, how can i stop it
Anonymous188220
I need help, how can i know this is ocd. I have harm, pocd, cleaning ocd, false memory ocd, real event ocd, groinal responses, false attraction, how do i know, i dont want this, or that i dont have a horrible supressed side. Its killing me inside, i dont want to deal with this s**t any longer. I just cant accept the unknown, not with themes like these at least.
Anonymous188158
Anonymous187503
I'm so tired, I'm feeling depressed and I feel as if I really lost myself, i feel disconnected, i feel extremely numb, scared, anxious and can't cope with this anymore
Me too i feel sometimes like im out of my body
Anonymous188158
Hello, i dont know if it is hocd or denial but even if im bi or lesbian i dong want to be a man.. i have that fear oflosing my feminity or im in denial
Anonymous188116
I am ocd patient since 5 months
Anonymous188058
I am so depressed because of sexual thoughts about my sibling but I don't think consciously I didnot hve any thought to do it but my mind didnot stop thinking bad
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Getting religious ocd
Anonymous187990
Just started
Anonymous187884
Is it the thought suppresion, compulsion?
Anonymous187884
Hello, how is the tracking going for all of you? I just started...any tips?
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Anonymous187506
How do I make sense of contamination OCD. Any amount of spread is too much and I panic. Where do I draw the line?
Anonymous187503
I'm so tired, I'm feeling depressed and I feel as if I really lost myself, i feel disconnected, i feel extremely numb, scared, anxious and can't cope with this anymore
Anonymous187503
but definitely it's the first time it happens almost every single day for almost every dream whenever I'm sleeping, taking naps etc and I don't really know if it's actually the "denial" coming to surface or if this is OCD manifesting i really don't know what to expect posting this I'm just so tired that I can't find my own peace being awake and being sleeping, half sleeping or anywhere.
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I can't find peace while I'm sleeping anymore also whenever I'm about to wake up but I'm still sleeping kind of like a conscious state of mind or like a limbo between sleeping and woke my mind start to throw statements related to this, always being extremely specific, and anxiety inducing and i mean it's not the first time since this started that this type of thing happened but definitely it's
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Just feeling extremely tired at this point with my s****y sleeping and the way it starts to manifest when I'm dreaming or waking up. The thing is that lately I've been having dreams where there's always something related to the obsession theme manifesting trough people or situations or escenarios etc, etc. I'm extremely sick and tired of it because I can't fin
Jonathan
Existential/Health/Motor OCD here. I need help getting past this “secret knowledge” feeling I have that I’m aware of my existence and it makes me feel “asleep” whenever I’m not doing compulsions and just living. Feels like the last stronghold.
Anonymous187476
Because in my mind any amount is still a contamination and that’s what is hard for me to stop.
Anonymous187476
Where do I draw the line? I am constantly unsure and decide to “play it safe” which just makes it worse.

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