Can anyone else relate?I have been struggling with the thought of analysing my recovery process extensively constantly thinking about where I am in recovery, think of the anxiety and just that relentless cycle. I don't usually struggle terribly with uncertainty but this time I feel as if I'm acting differently to before and that scares me and is very distressing. Does anyone experience anything si

Can anyone relate to my current issue?

What kind of person does this make me if the arousal doesn't stop? If I have to force it out? Is this OCD or is it real? (18+ replies would be appreciated)

I think what makes it more difficult as well is that this fetish is NOT sexual in nature. I believe if it was sexual in nature, age groups would immediately turn me off and stop the arousal, but because it's not, it doesn't stop. I like to believe if it was sexualised in this way, I would be put off but I'm scared because I just don't know and I don't want to do anymore testing

had an image in my mind that I gave into masturbating to regardless of how gross the image was. It wasn't even that gross, it wasn't sexual, I don't even know if the girl in my head was even kid, the image was just kind of like ''whatever age, doesn't matter'' if that makes sense

And should stop the attraction but it doesn't. This is what started the entire theme. I never did ERP for it because I didn't know I had OCD. I eventually just got reassurance from a loved one about it but that reassurance doesn't apply anymore because my loved one said ''you did it innocently, you didn't know'' which is true but this time was not the case, as I didn't look at anything, true, but

I would also like to say that I've done a lot of recovery work and am now certain I'm not a pedophile. That's not really the issue anymore. The issue is being aroused by something REGARDLESS of circumstance and how wrong that circumstance really is. I understand I'm not attracted to kids. I am however, attracted to this fetish even when it involves kids which I know is really wrong

Again, help from anyone over the age of 18 would be greatly appreciated.

That if I put the two together, it would be a turn off. But with the fetish, nothing ever is. I've always been cautious and I've always been careful since but now it feels like I'm no longer careful. Am I now a monster? Is this the real thing? Is this still OCD?

I still feel uncomfortable but I still like it? It's like my brain just wants to let it all in regardless of whether its inapproprite or not. And a lot of the creepy stuff you can find online borders on child sexual imagery and obviously that's disgusting but when I see it, all I see is the fetish and obviously that's not okay. I thought after I realised it was wrong, it would just perish.

I would never seek this stuff out, I would never go looking for it because believe me, there are some creeps out there. But now when I have that intrusive thought about that same scenario, it still arouses me and I feel like I don't mind, even though I would have previously felt uncomfortable. I'm now even more scared because does this mean I'm okay with it now? Whenever I get the image I still

uncomfortable, but I still kind of enjoyed it because it was still that thing, not because it was a kid (that was the thing that put me off). I've obsessed about it since and it terrifies me. I'm aware that I was in it for the fetish itself, not for the kid involved in the intrusive image, but I just can't believe I kept on masturbating. What kind of person does this make me?

I decided not to be afraid and to just m********e to the stuff and not be afraid of the intrusive thoughts that were ruining it (this involved two consenting adults). But the whole time I was trying not to have the intrusive image of ''what if I was a child?'' so it ended up coming in and instead of just stopping, I carried on masturbating. It only lasted a few seconds and I felt SUPER uncomfortab

I have realised that this was what started my theme in the first place and that I have to combat it. So I would start to get intrusive thoughts about the fetish but with children and still feel aroused and like them but I would just let them in so that they would fade. They eventually did but last night, the worst possible thing happened.

When I'm just thinking about it in general or when I see something in relation, regardless of age, I am still aroused. It's regardless of age, it's just because it's related. But I AM still aroused. I have to make it clear that it's not the age I am attracted to, it's just the thing in general, regardless of age. I would watch it regardless, with kids being the obvious exception. However, recently

Knowing what I know now, when it's kids, I never intentionally sexualise it. It's no longer a sexual thing. I don't have fantasies, I don't intentionally think about it at all. But when I accidentally see something, I do have to push it down and think about the fact that its kids in order to prevent arousal. Whether that is a compulsion, I don't know. When I'm just thinking about it in general or

*regardless of age up until I was 16 because I didn't know it was a fetish and didn't know what I was doing. When I found out what it was, I was horrified and even more horrified that some of the characters and stories I read about contained children, even if they weren't fetish material. That was when the OCD spiked. So I was already aroused regardless of age, or even species.

But recently because it is that fetish (not because its kids), I feel aroused anyway, I like it anyway, although it does make me uncomfortable to associate the two together and when I take a moment to think about the fact with that involves children, I immediately feel disgusted. I had this before I developed this theme. I've had this fetish all my life and would look at things and m********e

(Would appreciate help from someone over the age of 18 if possible) I thought I had OCD, I don't think I do anymore. I have this fetish, and that fetish is what caused this OCD theme. The fetish isn't sexual in nature and is something I've had all my life. It is something that is normal and that I didn't view as a sexual thing until I realised what it was. (I hope this makes sense)

I feel the same way! It just builds up like water in a damm then it explosion my head.

I feel like every time I try and choose to not pay attention to the OCD I’m just compressing the feelings to be felt later on

I get these as urges with a feeling like I can act out, I am so scared I will act out when my ocd is gone because i am not afraid anymore