OCD Help Chat 
Anonymous99366 Anyone know what I should do or should I just wait for her to contact me?
Anonymous100238
Anonymous99366
Anyone know what I should do or should I just wait for her to contact me?
Did u have your appointment
Anonymous101463 hey i have rocd, how do you know the line between ocd and genuine problems?
Anonymous101318 I know that you say erp works but it hasn't worked for me where do I go now? Any advice would be great thank you. I actually act on some of my thoughts aswell which is not good it's got that severe
Anonymous101465
Anonymous101318
I know that you say erp works but it hasn't worked for me where do I go now? Any advice would be great thank you. I actually act on some of my thoughts aswell which is not good it's got that severe
What type of OCD do you have? What kind of exposures are you doing?
Christa
Anonymous99717
im scared about real or false memories about pocd, im really worried about the attraction feelings and the thoughts because it feels like i enjoy them
Hi! I suffer from pocd and im in the later stages. This happened to me its 100% normal ocd can make you feel anything but it does go away with time and recovery work
Christa
Anonymous76090
Hi christa as you recovered from hocd and I have a extreme case. Did you as well get these urges to m********e to the intrusive thoughts including o****m, all day these heavy groinal responses which feel like Erektion and you getting memory’s of your past where you are convinced hey this was some feeling I had for a same s*x person which proves I am gay etc….
Oh yeah for like 2 weeks i just had an urge to m********e while watching a show that I liked but i took it as ocd and didnt give it my attention and it went away slowly over time. I also had the false memories where I had feelings for a girl like how you explained it was my exact situation. And im a girl so I dont get erections but the groinal responses were intense for me as well.
Christa
Anonymous76090
And because of this you have Depression so heavy that you can’t function anymore
Depression is extremely common in ocd and this is completely normal
Christa
Anonymous101463
hey i have rocd, how do you know the line between ocd and genuine problems?
Hi! So the line between ocd and genuine problems is that genuine problems are problems that someone without ocd would get. For example, a genuine problem would be if you and your boyfriend got over a fight about something that happened like in real life not in your head but an ocd problem is fearing your boyfriend will leave you from the fight
Christa
Anonymous101318
I know that you say erp works but it hasn't worked for me where do I go now? Any advice would be great thank you. I actually act on some of my thoughts aswell which is not good it's got that severe
Try to look and evaluate what you are doing. Any type of reassaurance behaviors or worrying or self reasaurance or rumination keeps ocd alive. Hoe long have you been doing erp? Depending on how long you have been doing it may feel like its not working the first month
Helmut Schmacker Reassurance reassurance reassurance! Hey guys, anyone else having one of those days today?
Anonymous101495 Hi evryone, i'm a french guy so sorry for my bad english. It's possible to have hocd without the little voice?
Christa
Anonymous101495
Hi evryone, i'm a french guy so sorry for my bad english. It's possible to have hocd without the little voice?
Yes hocd can show up in many ways for different people.
Anonymous100238
Helmut Schmacker
Reassurance reassurance reassurance! Hey guys, anyone else having one of those days today?
I actually never really ask for much reassures because I knwk ppl will think I’m stupid
Anonymous85281 Hey question about intrusive thoughts. I don’t get much anxiety anymore just a few panic attacks here and there but I still get HOCD thoughts. Now they are just irritating and I want them to go away but I’m worried abt the no anxiety. Is this still an intrusive thought? How do u know?
Anonymous101495 Thanks a lot christa
Anonymous101495
Anonymous85281
Hey question about intrusive thoughts. I don’t get much anxiety anymore just a few panic attacks here and there but I still get HOCD thoughts. Now they are just irritating and I want them to go away but I’m worried abt the no anxiety. Is this still an intrusive thought? How do u know?
I live the same period.
Anonymous101318
Christa
Try to look and evaluate what you are doing. Any type of reassaurance behaviors or worrying or self reasaurance or rumination keeps ocd alive. Hoe long have you been doing erp? Depending on how long you have been doing it may feel like its not working the first month
I think it's the mental rituals but I aren't sure. The mental rituals are making me do things I don't want to
Anonymous101318
Anonymous101318
I think it's the mental rituals but I aren't sure. The mental rituals are making me do things I don't want to
I've been doing erp for 6 months
Anonymous85281
Anonymous85281
Hey question about intrusive thoughts. I don’t get much anxiety anymore just a few panic attacks here and there but I still get HOCD thoughts. Now they are just irritating and I want them to go away but I’m worried abt the no anxiety. Is this still an intrusive thought? How do u know?
^^^^^
Anonymous101548 My ocd is making it hard to live
Christa
Anonymous85281
Hey question about intrusive thoughts. I don’t get much anxiety anymore just a few panic attacks here and there but I still get HOCD thoughts. Now they are just irritating and I want them to go away but I’m worried abt the no anxiety. Is this still an intrusive thought? How do u know?
Yes this is still ocd this is actually very common and normal in the ocd recovery process the thoughts will go away eventually its just still sending it to u cause u reacted with fear at first and ur brain took it as such a danger at first
Christa
Anonymous101318
I think it's the mental rituals but I aren't sure. The mental rituals are making me do things I don't want to
Thats the thing you need to stop doing the mental rituals and just sit with the anxiety and thought
Christa
Anonymous101495
Thanks a lot christa
No problem
Anonymous85281
Christa
Yes this is still ocd this is actually very common and normal in the ocd recovery process the thoughts will go away eventually its just still sending it to u cause u reacted with fear at first and ur brain took it as such a danger at first
Thank you. I get so scared that I’m just in denial and this is my reality. Ppl say that you would know if you were in denial. Is that true?
Christa
Anonymous85281
Thank you. I get so scared that I’m just in denial and this is my reality. Ppl say that you would know if you were in denial. Is that true?
No problem i have this issue alot too
Anonymous101054 Does Anyone have any Advice on how to Handle Uncertainty? Because I Literally Cannot, My Brain Automatically chooses a Bias and if I don't have a hint of "Maybe Not" then I Automatically Assume the Worst and then I feel like it's Actually True and I get Really Depressed and Stressed, Anyone know how to Handle this or Not do this?
Anonymous101054 Also, OCD can Distort Memories Right? Cause I Remembered I had a Thought about a Friend a while ago, and i don't even remember if I was going through my OCD wave back then, I don't think I was, and I Don't Remember Exactly what it was or what I was feeling or why I did it or if it even happened, but it Really Feels like it did, but it just doesn't make sense-
Anonymous101054 -like Why TF would I think that and Not Freak out, if it Actually Did Happen, even if I didn't have OCD it should've Freaked Me Out, cause it was GROSS, like it Triggers My POCD rn, which is why I Don't know if it Actually Happened or what the Context was or why I thought it, maybe it was in the context of something else, cause it would've freaked me out even back then
Anonymous101054 It Feels like I would've but at the same time it doesn't, idk it's really weird and Confusing and Terrifying, and Disgusting, this is All tied Together cause I just had a Panic Attack rn, and Head is Fricking Throbbing and I Feel Incredibly Horrible, and Disgusted in Myself And I even got Furious with Myself, like why TF would I Not React, if it Did Happen?!
Anonymous101054 Also some details make me feel like I remember actually thinking it and some don't, especially when I look at it overall, there would've been no reason, except just being weird, but I also have a Very Terrible Self Esteem and thats Not Too Unbelievable for Me so, Yeah it's Scary and I have a Massive Headache, I cant even see straight
Anonymous101054 I Have Very Severe OCD, Cognitive Distortions, and Terrible Self-Esteem and am Very Unhappy With Myself, I Don't Know how to go about this, Does Anyone have Any Advice?
Anonymous101054 I also Feel like it's Made Especially Harder for Myself to Deal with Personally, because as a kid I got hit in the Head with a pointy plastic and had to get stitches and I feel like that Messed up some stuff, especially with Cognitive Control, like I Legitimately could Believe Everything My OCD Tells me Sometimes, and not be able to tell the Difference
Anonymous101054 And My OCD has A Lot to work with, since I have a Terrible Self-esteem and have always seen Myself as Bad and Dirty and Too Sexual, (And Unfortunately My OCD is sexual) as I've said before, maybe because I am Hormonal rn, or because I was born in a Religious Family, or Because it's true? Idk, but I was always unhappy with myself and Feel like I Actually Do Need to change some stuff about Myself
Anonymous101054 All of this Makes it Incredibly Difficult for Me to Deal with, I have Not Considered Suicide Yet, and Hope I Won't Have to, but I have thought it would be Easier if I was Dead, but I just want to Live Normally, i don't want to say again, because My OCD has made me Realize a lot of Flaws and Weird things I did, and a Lot of Repression, but I just want to Improve Myself, Move on, and be Truly Happy
Anonymous101054 Not to Mention I Can't Handle Stress like at All, and I would always try to be a Very Laid Back and Relaxed and Mostly Positive guy
Anonymous101054 Anyways I Need Help but I'm Too Broke and I Don't want to tell my Family what specific type of OCD I have Because it's a Terrible one, and I Feel Shame and Self Hating because I HAVE done some weird things in the past and get a lot of weird thoughts, even when I wasn't stDoes Anyone have Any Advice
Anonymous101054 *Struggling with my OCD, Not Terrible ones like My OCD, but these aspects of myself Really Don't Help nor make me feel any better about myself
Anonymous101054 Any Advice?
Anonymous101054 Sorry for My Essay, I know this is A LOT to take in, I just needed to Vent, cause I just had a Panic attack, Sorry for Spamming this Forum.
Anonymous101554 I am going through instrusive thought compulsions and those thoughts make me feel very bad about myself . Like I am a sick person to get such thoughts randomly also be it about my family friend or anyone . Most of all I fear God will punish me by making those thoughts real and I keep saying Sorry all the time
Anonymous101554 It feels so real , those voices like as if I really want such things to happen . I feel myself to be a bad person
Anonymous101054 Going back to the thing I asked about how to handle Uncertainty, sometimes Uncertainty and trying to accept that it may be or may be not, makes me kind of feel like I'm lying to myself or are in Denial
Anonymous101334
Anonymous101054
Going back to the thing I asked about how to handle Uncertainty, sometimes Uncertainty and trying to accept that it may be or may be not, makes me kind of feel like I'm lying to myself or are in Denial
That feeling should also try to be disregarded I think. Im not expert but i believe that you should focus on not trying to find an answer or testing when you get the thought. Stand in the uncertainty of the neutral grey area and focus on whats in front of you
Anonymous85281 How do you get over the denial obsession? I’m too scared to get treatment bc I’m worried I’m in denial. I can’t fake that leap of faith unless I know I’m not. Do you think I would know if I was in denial?
Anonymous85281 Like I don’t want these thoughts and I don’t want to be this person but then a voice in the back of my head is screaming “do you??” “Maybe you just can’t accept that this is you reality”
Anonymous101584 I have harm ocd and I’ve feared over the last year that I don’t have remorse, I use to be super remorseful before ocd, but everytime a situation appears that’s bad where remorse should happen my first Insitict is to analyse/force remorse out, is it this something else or am I a psycho😳
Anonymous101584 Too add: I never feel extreme remorse only just a little at times if not none
Michele- Recovery Coach(book private text support through OCD recovery network) Hi I am online now to answer questions
Michele- Recovery Coach(book private text support through OCD recovery network)
Anonymous101584
Too add: I never feel extreme remorse only just a little at times if not none
Hi this is just ocd twisting it. Any thoughts that come in surrounding your theme view it as off limits
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Perfectionsim OCD leading to Avoidance

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Quote from Seamstress on April 13, 2021, 12:15 pm

Hi: How have you been doing?

Surprisingly good. In the first week I have been watching an easy to understand series.
I have been keeping track of it:

  • 04.04.21
    Episode 23 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 05.04.21
    Episode 24 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 06.04.21
    Episode 25 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 07.04.21
    Episode 26 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 08.04.21
    Episode 27 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 09.04.21
    Episode 28 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 10.04.21
    Episode 29 - no rewinding, no noise

Since sunday I added another timeslot in the evening where I watch more complex series.

  • 11.04.21
    Episode 30 - no rewinding, no noise
    Different Series Episode 1 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 12.04.21
    Episode 31 - no rewinding, no noise
    Different Episode 1 - no rewinding, no noise
  • 13.04.21
    Episode 32 - no rewinding, no noise
    Different Episode 1 - no rewinding, no noise

At the beginning when I start getting everything ready and finally sit down it's usually the worst. As you can see there was no noise at all. So you could say I was kinda lucky.
Eventhough I made it through all of this I didn't feel so good afterwards. It feels like I did something wrong. But this must be OCD so I try to ignore it.
Today I saw tires laying around in my house which usually means that my dad is going to switch tires on the car. My room is next to the yard. Now I'm a bit anxious since I don't know when he will switch the tires.
I know that it shouldn't really matter and it's actually a good thing to have such a situation because I should purposfully watch series while ther is noise. I will report back later.

Good for you!! Treat the tire situation as an opportunity - difficult as it may be.  I think it is natural to feel like something is wrong when we don't react the same way to OCD demands.

Quick update:
The week has been going good so far. The tire changeover didn't happen and I don't know when it will be.
I usually watch an episode two times a day. Once at around 4 pm and another one at 9 pm. Today after I was done watching at 4 pm kids started playing on the street. That's nothing special and pretty ordinary. However they had this big bluetooth speaker standing on the side turned up  blasting music. You could hear the music in every corner of my house. I got angry because I couldn't do anything about it. It's now 8:45 pm and I should start watching again soon but I have this depressing feeling sitting in my chest. I know it will go away in a few hours but I don't know if I'm able to do ERP at the moment in this state.

It is normal to have such feelings but remember they are just feelings. Try the best that you can to progress as much as you can even though the noise is there. Don't think of your recovery as all or nothing. You are progressing little by little. Celebrate your victories!!

After writing this post I got into an argument with my mum which made me feel even worse. She has the ability to load me up emotionally at times where I can't take it. Then I calmed down and finally sat down an hour later than I normally watch. It went fine however after finishing the episode I now have the feeling that I missed or overheard something and can't remember exactly what it was. I won't watch the episode again but it's really difficult to let it be after everything today.
You mentioned it's not a all or nothing situation and I agree. I like to have things planned out through out the day and today it all went different than I've planned.  Sometimes I ask myself how I would react if I didn't have OCD. To me the situation with the kids playing loud music outside is a 11/10 and it probably would annoy me even without OCD involved. And again it's just so confusing and backwards if you try to watch something - get emotionally attached, enjoy it but at the same time endure or ignore the feelings I get from the noises. I'm not a robot and I don't want to sit there staring at the screen and thinking "whatever". I know this is recovery but I don't see a middleground in enjoying watching the series while enduring everything else around me. How do I get the right midset for this?

Perhaps you need to decide whether the urge to rewind is an OCD thought followed by the action in order to reduce anxiety or if it is not. I suppose only you can know that. I know at times I have had the urge to re-read something or watch something again because I missed it and it has been an OCD thought as I needed to have everything figured out to reduce the anxiety I was feeling. Sometimes I have to tell myself that I don't need to have everything always figured out. After a little while  the anxiety goes away.  Of course, there are times when I have to go back and check something, but I generally know within myself when it becomes a compulsion and I need to stop.

Quote from Seamstress on April 22, 2021, 7:54 am

Perhaps you need to decide whether the urge to rewind is an OCD thought followed by the action in order to reduce anxiety or if it is not.

It certainly is an OCD thought. Because if I do rewind then I quickly get to the point where one time isn't enough and it wants more making it even worse. That's at leased how I remember it going. I haven't rewinded in almost 8 months now as I purposfully put the remote out of reach when I start an episode or movie.
There is a rare situation where something is written in a book etc. where I do rewind to see what was wirtten but I don't do this out of fear. The response of fear now is that I quit watching the episode when it get's really bad with the noise. This happed about two months ago.  You remember the scene I missed yesterday? Well I didn't watch it again and I don't have the urge to do so anymore. The anexiety dropped.

The thing I'm so perplex about is that I'm supposed to go through hell (sitting there with the noise outside) while trying to understand and enjoy the series. But I've now decided that I will do this. It's just that have to have faith or else it won't work.

Okay, so I understand your issue now. It is more the noise that is the issue rather than the re-winding. In some ways this is a real-life issue that others might have a problem with as well, but unless you move it will probably still keep happening. So the only thing I can suggest is to try to not over-focus on the situation and do what you are doing. Sounds like you know what to do, but of course it is difficult.

The past weeks went fine. I still feel weird after watching an episode. It's hard to descripe but it feels "empty" like I'm emotionless.
I just got done watching the second time today. This time I continued watching a mistery series which is kinda hard to follow at times. I didn't rewind and there was no noise, however I didn't understand something and after I was done I couldn't refuse the urge and rewatched a scene. After I was done the feelings I had before got even worse. I won't do any other compulsions now but this shows how a 7/10 can turn into a 10/10 very  fast. I also feel bad because I already knew that this would happen if I give in. Anyway I will now wait 45 minutes and then watch something else.

Edit: After these 45 minutes I sat down again and it took me ~20 minutes to even start the episode. I had still a bit of tention left and I couldn't find a comfortable spot on my seat. So I got up a few times and sat down again.
Then I started the episode and imidiatly quit again. This went own around 4 times until I finfally put the remote away and watched the episode. The episode was 25 minutes long. When I got around the 22 minute mark I had the urgency to go to the toilet since I drink a lot while watching. But I refused to go. Around that time a plot twist happend and my brain marked this as *important*. The series I was watching was in forign language with subtitles. I missed some line and couldn't read it in time  and within a few seconds I had the remote in my hand and rewinded once. It felt like an automatic action. This single rewind turned the 7/10 from before into a 15/10 and I got really angry at myself. I then paused and went to the toilet. I came back and watched the rest however my brain couldn't focus anymore.

The last 4 weeks my life basically only revolved around this activity and trying to not do any compulsions obviously. The more I did it the less it felt like I was doing ERP. It also turned into stress because I wanted to keep up with my timeshudle.
As you may know I have set times when I watch. Once in the afternoon and once in the evening and there's still seems to be some kind of avoidance involved. I can't just sit down whenever I want. Well I can but it will turn into a disaster kinda like today. The circumstances don't allow it. I purposfully picked the evening to watch and this is turning into stress because I already have it planned out. To sum it up: The ERP is turning into a compulsion. I don't know what to do now. I could watch a few videos from ALI to get me back on track but deep down I know this is reassurance. I could do something else but I will feel dissatisfied. At the moment I don't see a point in continuing like I did previously.

Thinking about it, I know exactly why this happened today. First was another argument with my mother in the morning. The second reason is that whenever I tend to like or enjoy something I watch my brain flags it as important. So when an impartant scene comes along it get's really difficult to refuse compulsions. This doesn't happen with series I don't care about that much and today I watch two series I really enjoyed.

Update one day later: The anxiety remained for about 5 hours. I pulled myself together and continued as before with my plan.
Both watching sessions went fine and way better than yesterday. Everyday stress seems to have a big impact on it. So I will have to be aware of that.
Ali once said in one of her videos that we should at least do 10 to 20 repetitions of ERP each day. Now I'm wondering if these two episodes I watch each day are even enough.

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