I cant do this anymore,ocd took over my life

Quote from cath on January 17, 2021, 10:55 am

I understand everything you say Even the family part . I really don't know how we can get out of this hell . I also gave up on life and on recovery . I cornered myself away from life because the real world scares me and I'm just living through everyday for my family bcuz mom told me if i ever do something to myself . The whole family will torn apart  . I'm living as a zombie my body is there but my mind and soul are long gone and broken 

Quote from Guest on January 17, 2021, 5:21 pm

Cool

Quote from Guest on January 17, 2021, 7:17 pm

Hello, please NEVER listen to people who dont understand what ocd is. Dont talk about your ocd unless you are 100% sure that they will understand that what you are going through is a mental problem. Also try not to focus too much on your ocd all the time, especially the days when you are feeling better, but also try to remind yourself that you still have it and that you will probably relapse. This is a major issue with ocd, it is often misunderstood even by therapists and so called "experts". Try to find a therapist who understands OCD and does ERP. Try asking your parents to buy Ali´s program or try to find a ocd therapist who does therapy sessions over video calls. Also look into hypnotherapy, some therapists use neurolinguistic programming and hypnosis to treat certain anxiety related issues, since ocd is based on fear based programming, hypnosis can have success in  helping treatment of ocd. Your dad also most likely doesnt have OCD and likely does not suffer from "intrusive thoughts" the same way someone with ocd does. 

Quote from Guest on January 17, 2021, 7:17 pm

Hello, please NEVER listen to people who dont understand what ocd is. Dont talk about your ocd unless you are 100% sure that they will understand that what you are going through is a mental problem. Also try not to focus too much on your ocd all the time, especially the days when you are feeling better, but also try to remind yourself that you still have it and that you will probably relapse. This is a major issue with ocd, it is often misunderstood even by therapists and so called "experts". Try to find a therapist who understands OCD and does ERP. Try asking your parents to buy Ali´s program or try to find a ocd therapist who does therapy sessions over video calls. Also look into hypnotherapy, some therapists use neurolinguistic programming and hypnosis to treat certain anxiety related issues, since ocd is based on fear based programming, hypnosis can have success in  helping treatment of ocd. Your dad also most likely doesnt have OCD and likely does not suffer from "intrusive thoughts" the same way someone with ocd does. 

Quote from Guest on January 17, 2021, 9:18 pm

Hello there, I can really feel the desperation through your post and I felt really moved by your struggle through this extremely tough time, especially at such a young age which a lot of people find difficult - you're not alone in this and as unlikely as it seems right now, it's absolutely normal to have these feelings and thoughts which currently seem confusing and scary to you so don't worry or feel as if it's all going wrong because it really isn't! Take some deep breaths right now and just sit down somewhere peaceful for a few minutes. Your OCD brain is really pushing you to your limit on all fronts because that's just what it does, so the first thing to do is work through your thoughts one by one as much as you can. Thoughts can race and spiral out of control so easily because we can think of absolutely anything, especially if you are creative and open-minded like yourself, and often, many contradictory images and phrases can come up at the same time which can then trigger extreme reactions in us, whether they are justified or not, and whether they actually correspond to what's going on real life or not.

What I've found to help me slow the whole thought process down and bring my emotions back down to manageable levels is to write out answers to the following questions: What am I worried about right now? Are these worries justified? If so, why? Can I realistically do anything about these worries? What do I want to do or achieve today/in the long term? Is the way I'm dealing with these worries helping me towards these goals?

Hopefully this will help to identify what might be the OCD talking and eliminate some of these intrusive junk thoughts that you just don't need to pile on yourself right now, showing you that some of these thoughts don't actually need anything done about them right now or might not even actually be a problem at all. After this, let go of the thoughts and find something you enjoy, such as a sitcom, calm music or maybe baking, and choose to focus on that, no matter how difficult or wrong it feels or whether you are in the mood or not - fake it or just go through the motions if you have to. You need to delay your responses and dampen your emotions right now and give your brain that time and space it needs to heal. If the thoughts or the urgency to ruminate about them or try to solve them comes in, stop the train of thought at any point when you can and just pull your attention back to getting involved with the fun thing that you were doing and keep on going with it. It's very tricky, I know, and also feels very tempting to try and resolve the thought, but you really need to put your foot down and refuse to engage with the thoughts, otherwise they will keep having you go around in circles. Many things in life are uncertain grey areas and it is impossible to obtain complete solutions, perfect decisions or definite answers, but OCD will always insist on black and white solutions/decisions/answers for everything, moving around to another topic even after you feel some kind of satisfaction with what previously bothered you. You have to normalise and train your brain to live with this uncertainty and choose to trust yourself to make the best out of situations as and when you come across them. Trust that everything is okay (because they really are, honestly) - OCD likes to give unnecessary details false importance and you can properly reassess your situation and restore that self-confidence and sense of perspective best when you are in a calm and composed state.

Remember, the content of your thoughts don't mean anything about who you are. OCD wants to make sure you protect yourself from harm as such as possible and that you stay as the type of person you truly want to be (go to college, not cheat on your potential boyfriend etc.) by constantly pointing out to you how you could go wrong to make sure you avoid that in real life at the first sign and keep yourself in check. Unfortunately, it doesn't realise that you have and always will continue to be that kind-hearted and conscientious person you are with a strong sense of morality, perhaps even more than the average person, without needing to be told all the time because you have and always will be a good person. Nobody is perfect and yes, absolutely everyone gets these frightening thoughts coming in from time to time with content that doesn't agree with their core moral principles (that's how we can have such dramatic and melancholic fictional novels, movies and games) but in everyday life, they can automatically disregard these thoughts and keep on going with what they were doing, allowing the thoughts to leave unnoticed and before they have had enough attention to develop further and trigger any kind of response. It will be easier to deal these thoughts in a similar way with time and experience - there will be ups and downs along the way, but this is all normal and believe me, step by step at a time, you will get better and get to where you want to be in life. You are still in the very early stages of the recovery process and everyone who recovers from OCD has felt this low at some stage and there are always ups and downs along the way, so this is absolutely to be expected - don't despair!

I would strongly recommend that you continue to look for a therapist who specialises in OCD as an anxiety condition and is familiar with the concepts of Pure O and ERP to work with you on the specifics of your OCD and a recovery plan that works for you. Try to find a therapist who runs remote video call sessions if there is no one suitable in your local area - don't be afraid to ask around on forums for recommendations from others in your area if you're unsure. Just because your previous therapy sessions haven't worked or didn't go well doesn't mean that it will never work or that you're somehow beyond help. Everyone responds to different treatments in different ways, so all it means is you just haven't yet found a therapist and/or technique that works for you - you will always be able to recover, no matter what, so please don't lose hope. In the meantime, Ali's videos are a brilliant resource for understanding how different types of OCD works and to get you started on and familiar with recovery techniques. The book 'Brain Lock' by Jeffrey M. Schwartz is also worth a read.

Stay strong - being 17 years old is such a tough, scary and uncertain time in everyone's life and is hard enough as it is without OCD, but I promise you it will get so much better. You are incredibly brave and you have made the hardest steps ,which are having that insight to recognise something isn't feeling right, admitting you need help, and then looking for it, so you are absolutely capable of recovery. Look after yourself because you're actually doing so well and deserve so much praise for how you've had to cope with what you've gone through so far. I wish you the very best of luck in your search for the right therapy for you - you absolutely deserve to feel much better than you do right now and you really will. I know you can pull through!