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How far more will i handle?

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I feel totally lost . Totally drained and extremly depressed . My hocd lead me to see a Friend of mine enter into a coma and wishing to be in his  place.

What more does it want for me ?

I gave up life , i gave up my dreams and hopes,i even gave up on myself and yet it's still killing me even further everyday

I tried my best to do the recovery work but it's an unending cycle i just feel a lot of pain mentaly and with my physical compulsions i keep hurting myself even my body can't take it

Why can't i just die i really don't want to live . I don't see the point of it 

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You got harm ocd? 

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Jesus is the only one who can help you with your problem

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Quote from Guest on January 13, 2021, 2:36 pm

You got harm ocd? 

Nope i have hocd

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Quote from Guest on January 13, 2021, 2:37 pm

Jesus is the only one who can help you with your problem

I respect your religion but I'm a Muslim 

I do pray for God all the time but at this point i lost the will to live so for me now everything is over

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Very sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. You've labelled what is upsetting you as OCD thoughts ("my hocd") and honestly, that's all they are, just OCD thoughts, even if they try to convince you otherwise. I have my own seemingly endless struggles with OCD and like you, once one thought upsets or scares me, it escalates into an imagined catastrophe very easily and just doesn't give any breathers, especially when you feel like you need one the most. What you need to know is that this itself is how OCD works. The more you keep it alive by believing it says something about you and that it can affect who you are in life, the more it will keep going because it is now getting what it wants, which is to provoke you into a reaction it thinks is necessary but actually isn't. OCD also has access to any content which it can change up at any time, so it will always be able to come up with something more concerning to you than anything else before. Compulsions and negative emotions will also keep the downwards spiral going because the OCD thoughts and the distress caused are now having a real impact on your life, taking the time and energy away from what usually boosts your mood, making you less able to deal with the next thoughts that come along and even less happy. You've been through so much already - you absolutely don't deserve to be any more miserable than you already are. What you really have to do right now is force yourself to stick with the recovery process by stopping as many compulsions as you can manage and choosing to trust that you are who you want to be, regardless of the thought content and how you feel - fake it for now if you have to and it will come naturally with time, even if it takes longer than you might have thought. Please don't give up trying to recover. You still have all your hopes and dreams in front of you, you just need to keep pushing back on the OCD and give yourself the confidence, time and space you need to have the clarity to see that your life is absolutely worth living. This will become so much easier to see once the OCD has lost its firm grip that it currently has on you right now. I hope you're feeling better than when you wrote your post - keep recovering, I believe in you!

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We are all here for you! Please don't lose hope and stick with the recovery process. It always gets worse before it gets better .: you didn't get this OCD Overnight it won't go away overnight but you really can do it!!! Sending you lots of love 

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Life is not over! I will pray for you!