OCD Help Chat 
Anonymous101054 Idk if I'm ready to do with Exposure too Frequently, Not Only because its Absolutely Disgusting, but also because I won't Be able to think of anything else in time, that's part of the reason it's so Distressing for me, because I get these thoughts and I Literally Cannot Change it Quickly, I actually have to focus to think of something else, ANYTHING Else, And I Fear I Wont be able to in Time
Christa
Anonymous101054
Idk if I'm ready to do with Exposure too Frequently, Not Only because its Absolutely Disgusting, but also because I won't Be able to think of anything else in time, that's part of the reason it's so Distressing for me, because I get these thoughts and I Literally Cannot Change it Quickly, I actually have to focus to think of something else, ANYTHING Else, And I Fear I Wont be able to in Time
Its okay if you arent ready take your time but like i said just see the horrible feeling as ocd and ocd only
Anonymous101054 Sometimes its REEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLLYYYYYY HARD
Anonymous101054 Especially when they Feel REAL, OCD Legit Also Affects My Train of Thought, I get thinking about stuff I would normally never think about
Anonymous101054 It Makes Me Feel Horrible, it's to the Point where I Cannot Look at Myself in the Mirror
Anonymous101054 And its a Genuine Fear for Me Because I have always Seen Myself as a Too h***y, even as a Kid (Again Sorry for the TMI), and Idk if its due to me being a Teen at the Peak of my Hormones phase, or because I was raised in a Religious house and being Sexual always made me feel guilty or Gross, but I have always felt like a "Deviant" even tho I know there are Far Far Much Worse people out there
Anonymous101054 And my OCD is Sexual, so that's why I get a Genuine Fear that this OCD isn't Too Unrealistic of Me even tho I Hate Everything about it and Fear it
Anonymous101054 And I Do Believe I should work on some things about Myself, I should, also maybe that I won't feel So Self-Loathing to the point where I Believe and Fear I would be capable of this
Anonymous86699 Hi to anyone who has HOCD or has recovered from HOCD, did you ever get thoughts of like when literally anything abt s*x or relationships was mentioned and you immediately thought of the same s*x even though you didn’t want to and then you try to think about how you want to be with the opposite s*x but that nagging doubt in the back of your mind is saying you don’t want it? Idk why I have the t
Anonymous86699 Idk why I have these thoughts and I don’t want to but I’m worried that it means something or that I’m just lying to myself. Please I need help
Anonymous101054 Can OCD Also Like Affect your Train of thought, like the Nature of your thoughts and like make you look at things Differently? And stare?
Christa
Anonymous101054
And I Do Believe I should work on some things about Myself, I should, also maybe that I won't feel So Self-Loathing to the point where I Believe and Fear I would be capable of this
I know how annoying it is i struggle from sexual ocd as well and all of this happened to me too. It honestly sucks but at the end of the day its all ocd.
Christa
Anonymous86699
Hi to anyone who has HOCD or has recovered from HOCD, did you ever get thoughts of like when literally anything abt s*x or relationships was mentioned and you immediately thought of the same s*x even though you didn’t want to and then you try to think about how you want to be with the opposite s*x but that nagging doubt in the back of your mind is saying you don’t want it? Idk why I have the t
Hi! So yes I recovered from hocd and this happened to me as well. Disregard its all ocd trying to pull you into reaction
Christa
Anonymous101054
Can OCD Also Like Affect your Train of thought, like the Nature of your thoughts and like make you look at things Differently? And stare?
Yes ocd affects literally everything your brain is always on alert for specific topics and your train of thought will be affected as well at least mine was
Christa Alright everyone i might be back on the chat later but im gonna head off. I love you all and wish you the best. You guys are the strongest people ever. And no matter what always remember ocd can make you feel, think, believe, etc. Anything dont fall for it. Keep reminding yourself its main goal which is getting you scared and reacting
Anonymous101054 Cause I saw picture of someone Breastfeeding and I got like the urge to look at the Woman's b*****s and Zoom in and I don't even think it turned me on, I didn't feel much of anything, maybe a little response but it was
Anonymous101054 Weird
Anonymous101054 I Realized How Fricking Weird it was and I was like "WTF?!" Why would I do this? And it worried Me Because as I've Explained, I Already Feel like a Sexual "Deviant", for the reasons I stated before, even tho I know there are Wayyyy Worse People, but I don't feel like I wouldn't done this if I wasn't in My OCD wave Rn, but idk tho, and it's worrying Me
Anonymous101054 And it made me go back to it over and over again to see if I got the same urge
Anonymous101054 It's Stressing me out rn because I'm Not sure if this OCD or Something I would actually do without OCD, I've Definitely had some Low Points, but I'm Sure I Would've Matured By Now, and I don't think I would've looked at it that way if My OCD (Which is Sexual in Nature) wouldn't make me focus on this type if stuff, but Idk, My OCD Makes me Feel like I would
Anonymous101054 This Self-Loathing Also Affects me in POCD Because it makes me Feel like I'm Capable of getting a b***r of Anything, even tho Logically I Find it Absolutely Abhorrent like Absolutely Deplorable, and Terrifying
Anonymous101054 B***r is B0n3r
Anonymous86699
Christa
Hi! So yes I recovered from hocd and this happened to me as well. Disregard its all ocd trying to pull you into reaction
Thank you
Anonymous101334
Anonymous86699
Thank you
You have to also resist seeking reassurance and looking to relieve the anxiety. Just sit with it and let it be there
Christa
Anonymous101054
I Realized How Fricking Weird it was and I was like "WTF?!" Why would I do this? And it worried Me Because as I've Explained, I Already Feel like a Sexual "Deviant", for the reasons I stated before, even tho I know there are Wayyyy Worse People, but I don't feel like I wouldn't done this if I wasn't in My OCD wave Rn, but idk tho, and it's worrying Me
Hey this is classic ocd your brain is trying to protect u so it sends u all the urges and feelings like this to make it feel as real as possible. Disregard it all
Christa
Anonymous101054
And it made me go back to it over and over again to see if I got the same urge
I had a similar thing everything you are saying was so common for me and it went away
Christa
Anonymous101054
This Self-Loathing Also Affects me in POCD Because it makes me Feel like I'm Capable of getting a b***r of Anything, even tho Logically I Find it Absolutely Abhorrent like Absolutely Deplorable, and Terrifying
I really reccomend you stop analyzing this and going over it. I have seen your posts all day and it is classic ocd coming from somebody who went through the exact situation. Start letting go of this and viewing it as ocd
Christa
Anonymous86699
Thank you
No problem
Anonymous99717 im scared about real or false memories about pocd, im really worried about the attraction feelings and the thoughts because it feels like i enjoy them
Anonymous76090 Hi christa as you recovered from hocd and I have a extreme case. Did you as well get these urges to m********e to the intrusive thoughts including o****m, all day these heavy groinal responses which feel like Erektion and you getting memory’s of your past where you are convinced hey this was some feeling I had for a same s*x person which proves I am gay etc….
Anonymous76090 And because of this you have Depression so heavy that you can’t function anymore
Anonymous99366 Hi I have an appointment with Ali later will she be sending me the link via email?
Anonymous99364 I have an appointment in about two hours but no email yet sad
Anonymous99366 Anyone know what I should do or should I just wait for her to contact me?
Anonymous100238
Anonymous99366
Anyone know what I should do or should I just wait for her to contact me?
Did u have your appointment
Anonymous101463 hey i have rocd, how do you know the line between ocd and genuine problems?
Anonymous101318 I know that you say erp works but it hasn't worked for me where do I go now? Any advice would be great thank you. I actually act on some of my thoughts aswell which is not good it's got that severe
Anonymous101465
Anonymous101318
I know that you say erp works but it hasn't worked for me where do I go now? Any advice would be great thank you. I actually act on some of my thoughts aswell which is not good it's got that severe
What type of OCD do you have? What kind of exposures are you doing?
Christa
Anonymous99717
im scared about real or false memories about pocd, im really worried about the attraction feelings and the thoughts because it feels like i enjoy them
Hi! I suffer from pocd and im in the later stages. This happened to me its 100% normal ocd can make you feel anything but it does go away with time and recovery work
Christa
Anonymous76090
Hi christa as you recovered from hocd and I have a extreme case. Did you as well get these urges to m********e to the intrusive thoughts including o****m, all day these heavy groinal responses which feel like Erektion and you getting memory’s of your past where you are convinced hey this was some feeling I had for a same s*x person which proves I am gay etc….
Oh yeah for like 2 weeks i just had an urge to m********e while watching a show that I liked but i took it as ocd and didnt give it my attention and it went away slowly over time. I also had the false memories where I had feelings for a girl like how you explained it was my exact situation. And im a girl so I dont get erections but the groinal responses were intense for me as well.
Christa
Anonymous76090
And because of this you have Depression so heavy that you can’t function anymore
Depression is extremely common in ocd and this is completely normal
Christa
Anonymous101463
hey i have rocd, how do you know the line between ocd and genuine problems?
Hi! So the line between ocd and genuine problems is that genuine problems are problems that someone without ocd would get. For example, a genuine problem would be if you and your boyfriend got over a fight about something that happened like in real life not in your head but an ocd problem is fearing your boyfriend will leave you from the fight
Christa
Anonymous101318
I know that you say erp works but it hasn't worked for me where do I go now? Any advice would be great thank you. I actually act on some of my thoughts aswell which is not good it's got that severe
Try to look and evaluate what you are doing. Any type of reassaurance behaviors or worrying or self reasaurance or rumination keeps ocd alive. Hoe long have you been doing erp? Depending on how long you have been doing it may feel like its not working the first month
Helmut Schmacker Reassurance reassurance reassurance! Hey guys, anyone else having one of those days today?
Anonymous101495 Hi evryone, i'm a french guy so sorry for my bad english. It's possible to have hocd without the little voice?
Christa
Anonymous101495
Hi evryone, i'm a french guy so sorry for my bad english. It's possible to have hocd without the little voice?
Yes hocd can show up in many ways for different people.
Anonymous100238
Helmut Schmacker
Reassurance reassurance reassurance! Hey guys, anyone else having one of those days today?
I actually never really ask for much reassures because I knwk ppl will think I’m stupid
Anonymous85281 Hey question about intrusive thoughts. I don’t get much anxiety anymore just a few panic attacks here and there but I still get HOCD thoughts. Now they are just irritating and I want them to go away but I’m worried abt the no anxiety. Is this still an intrusive thought? How do u know?
Anonymous101495 Thanks a lot christa
Anonymous101495
Anonymous85281
Hey question about intrusive thoughts. I don’t get much anxiety anymore just a few panic attacks here and there but I still get HOCD thoughts. Now they are just irritating and I want them to go away but I’m worried abt the no anxiety. Is this still an intrusive thought? How do u know?
I live the same period.
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False Memory or Glimpses From Fugue State?

A couple of years ago, I went through a very heavy OCD-related breakdown. At the time, I was home constantly – taking school online – so I did not leave my house much and used all of that time to think pretty much.

*Let me preface this part by saying that, I am a very spiritual person and do believe in seeing “signs” from the universe or spirits. In the house I lived in prior to this, I had experiences with a haunting and it was very negative and draining for me- this is going to sound crazy, but I would use a pendulum to communicate with it whenever I felt like I needed reassurance for my OCD. When I moved a year later, I had thrown all connections to that away and tried to move on.*

Flash forward to another year of homeschool, but in the new house this time. [I was homeschooled for about 2 1/2 years due to not being able to handle going to school anymore.] I had to use my laptop for schoolwork of course, and this was at a time I was still paranoid about the spirit from my old house. Whenever I’d use it, I started to get this compulsion that I had to look for “messages” whenever I’d see a group of letters somewhere (aka, laptop). Eventually, I felt like the “messages” I was receiving started to sound too ominous regarding my OCD triggers and I took it as a reason to believe I was being told I had done something I had forgotten, and thus, needed to investigate. This didn’t just occur out of the blue and happened over a period of time where I’d “check” to see if something was telling me something.

Eventually, that morphed into me believing I was being told I had killed someone. —No voices in my head or anything like that, but basically a construction of a narrative from spiritual belief. In that year, over time, I would obsess over the news/look at cold cases/feel paranoid if a cop was behind us in the car/etc. And that turned into me having visuals added to the paranoia, along with having very very VERY strong feelings of going back to that “moment” and feeling everything you’d feel when going back to a memory. This progressed and worsened over time obviously- to the point that I felt like I was having intense flashbacks and spurts of recollection just like any memory would feel (what really boggles my mind is that I only see people with harm OCD talk about having images pop up in their mind, doubt, etc. so that sends me down another rabbit hole of worry). It genuinely concerns me that people say “but I have had no memory of this, just doubt!” when I have had moments where it definitely wasn’t just doubt (or images).

Here’s the kicker: despite feeling like I’ve had moments of realizing it’s a real memory, going back to “a” moment, feeling myself “be” there, etc — I have never once recalled any details of where I was, what exactly I was doing, what happened, or what the situation could’ve even logically looked like. And that led me down the path of worrying that I repressed a memory of harming someone.

Now, do keep in mind, I would have to have been 14 years old if this were to be a real occurrence (of me harming someone) and I was about 15-16 when I began having this false memory debacle. I say that because the only time I had harm OCD relating to murder was at 14 years old and it did heavily dissociate me, but I do not remember having any plans to go and kill someone or any desire to leave my home.

I just want to ask — has anyone had some sort of similar experience with false memories before!?? Where it feels like it takes real memory and completely fabricates a false moment? I feel so alone and lost, even almost 5 years later.

DISCLAIMER: I have received therapy for this issue, and while it has helped sometimes, I am extremely worried that he just assumes it’s like any other case — and I can’t tell if it’s not because I’ve never had anyone relate (not talking about the spiritual stuff, I am mostly speaking about the real-ness of how everything felt and how it is described). Also, no I do not have schizophrenia or anything that would cause delusions, or at least I don’t think so.

I guess what my point in posting this is — I have been on OCD forums looking for stories similar to mine (not the spiritual details or how it came to be) such as, how the “memory” feels and how my mind doesn’t even necessarily put an image next to it when I get these feelings!! I’m extremely worried (and suicidal) that I could’ve harmed someone and repressed it even though I can’t even imagine myself doing that. I want to fit into the false memory OCD label but I can’t help but feel so, so, so alone.

To make matters worse, I went on my local news website & searched cases from that time period & found a “suspicious death” which happened when I had a large gap in my Facebook activity. And it’s strange because in the months/years surrounding that, I don’t have a gap as large as that anywhere. For reference, I live in a small town so it’s hard to believe this as coincidence. My assumption is I was dissociated during those days and had an aversion to social media or something. I don’t know, I just feel like giving up.

If anybody wants to read this, please do. I’m sorry if any of this is distressing or weirds anyone out, I’m just trying to piece my life together.

 

Just made an account in case anybody sees this post and would like to message. Again, I’m sorry for any upsetting details in my story. 

Can anyone respond to this? 

Hey, im also very spiritual and understand your beliefs there and how they get super messy with OCD fears, and also false memory is my number one theme.

Repressed/ suppressed memories dont really work this way, the way OCD makes us fear.. usually we repress something if it is something bad that happened to us.. outside of that we can block out, be in denial and avoid bad memories of things we did but it would still be a there in the background as a certainty and on some level we know we are avoiding it, but we never doubt if it happened or not.

Real memory of doing something bad is not something we have to try to figure out, if anything its impossible to forget from the very moment / day it happens.
Also if you had killed somebpdy or any other horrific crime of harm.. you would natuarally go into instant flight or fight mode and realise what consequences would be coming.. you would go into panic.. almost straight away after the crime..

False memory OCD is not always just images.. it can be a sense of emotionally remembering the feeling of these moments , it can be feeling like you remember the feeling on your hands, it can be sounds, smells, facial expressions, and visions and images.. it can be all of it.. but if your still feeling like you cant figure it out, or need to try to figure it out..
then its automatically OCD, in real life you wouldnt need to figure out of it happened or not.. you would know that it did from day one.

I know how terrying this is, your not only obsessing about a past event thats horrific and bad, but also the future consequences if the thought was real.

but I promise you, its always a lie, if it was true.. you wouldnt be on this forum asking if its OCD or not..
that question “is this OCD or not.. “ automatically means it is OCD.

but no amount of reassurance from me or anybody will be enough , especially with false memory, you get reassurance on one detail and it will make the next detail feel even more real and true.

Do what Ali says, track the time, reduce rumination and within days/ weeks/ it will lose power and you will start to see it clearly.

take care

I've had the same thing, basically I can't always tell if its a real memory or not. I don't hear many people saying this but sometimes I really can't tell, and it scares me so much. I get the same as you, images, feelings, familiarity. I researched false memory and apparently when things are suggested people very commonly make up completely false memories that they believe are 100% true (but are completely made up) and I think OCD people can do that to themselves.

The thing is, there is no way to know, and we have to live with the uncertainty and the good thing is, every time I reduce my OCD I look at the bigger picture my brain switches over to "mehwho cares, maybe you did, but its unlikely" because its almost like my confidence in who I am comes back and after the OCD goes, and then I know I'm not a horrible person. It's strange. I'm in a false memory OCD right now and it's awful. 

Also, I would steer clear of that new agey spiritual stuff. In therapy I was told I can either believe in Law of Attraction or have OCD. You just can't have the belief that your thoughts are causing things to happen magically....LOA is literally OCD imo. Maybe that's not what you are into but I don't think talking to "spirits" is helping you in any way. 

One thing that really helps me when nothing else will, is exposure by writing down my fears. It helps a lot, I have to start doing it again. I was stuck in really bad false memory stuff and I would write it out on paper like "worried i did X" "worried my memory of X is real and feel X" write a decent amount of detail and face it, write a list about feeling, worries, images, what you think you did. You're already thinking it anyway. Then burn it or shred it or whatever you want to do (I had a fireplace). THEN use Alis meathod of not ruminating. She also recommends the writing thing. It does help a ton.  I used to do this 2x per day if i was really bad. I also tracked while trying not to ruminate, it makes you aware of when you start to ruminate, so then you can stop. I'd just allow the anxiety, thoughts and try to listen to a podcast that I was interested in. I'd suggest finding Ali's video for instruction on this, I'm not a professional so I don't want to make anyone worse, it just worked for me.

Some physical things can help like Ali says, waking up no later than 9. I find getting a good hour or two of sunlight helps, light actually signals our body to make certain hormones and can lower cortisol later in the day having just 20min of outdoor light in the morning. Best to get it within 30min after waking.

Hope this helps and you feel better soon!