Before the coaching with Michele I had some ideas what I needed to do for recovery, because of the research I did. But when I got to speak to Michele the approach of recovery got really significantly simplified. I was way to concerned before and thought about so many different things, while with Michelle’s help it got easier to live my normal life again and get back on the right path. Therefor I am really grateful to have found Ali Greymond and through her Michele because I don’t know where I would be now otherwise. I can only encourage everybody who needs to read this to try the coaching because it really helps!

– Phillip 
OCD Help Chat 
Anonymous163633
Aero
It's just an example, the point is OCD can make it feel like you did something for different reasons or with different intentions than you really meant, misinterpreting things on purpose because that's scarier
The thing is in that moment, in the bed, I KNOW I knew what I was doing. I acted on it because the sensation of the urge was so strong. All I know is I felt like I enjoyed it when I did it but I pulled away in fright seconds later and stayed away from her then
Aero I think it's a little extreme to call it "acting on it" when all you did was lean a little for a brief moment
Aero It's like you're taking a technicality and trying to crucify yourself over it
Anonymous163633
Aero
I think it's a little extreme to call it "acting on it" when all you did was lean a little for a brief moment
Yes but I had the urge. And that is BAD! I felt like I wanted to do it when I did it and was subconiously aware of that feeling. The same thing with the scrolling down on the internet fiasco with the thought of cp. I know it all sounds the same though
Aero Fiasco? You scrolled down slightly faster...
Anonymous163633
Aero
Fiasco? You scrolled down slightly faster...
Yes because it felt like I wanted to
Anonymous163633
Anonymous163633
Yes because it felt like I wanted to
And I know it's unlikely, you really have to dig for that sort of stuff I hear but what if I'd seen something? It's the same thing where I see a picture of an age approprite person but get a thought of it being a child instead and am unable to look away straight away. A subconcious part of me does believe that all these things are OCD's last efforts to get me because the thoughts I used to get no
Anonymous163633
Anonymous163633
And I know it's unlikely, you really have to dig for that sort of stuff I hear but what if I'd seen something? It's the same thing where I see a picture of an age approprite person but get a thought of it being a child instead and am unable to look away straight away. A subconcious part of me does believe that all these things are OCD's last efforts to get me because the thoughts I used to get no
*no longer do. But the possiblity scares me so much
Aero It sounds like these things aren't what the problem is, but rather simply the core fear with your theme, worrying that you feel or like something.
Aero That's pretty textbook OCD, no?
Aero It's what they seem to imply, rather than the events themselves
Anonymous163633
Aero
That's pretty textbook OCD, no?
Yes. It's related to my one (and pretty much only theme). But it's like, I had OCD and now I'm just a pedo in denial. My brain tells me that the overexposures did something to my brain
Anonymous163633
Anonymous163633
Yes. It's related to my one (and pretty much only theme). But it's like, I had OCD and now I'm just a pedo in denial. My brain tells me that the overexposures did something to my brain
I've only ever had POCD, because..in terms of themes, it's the only thing I'm afraid of
Aero If you've been around this chat a while, you'd probably have seen a lot of people saying basically that same exact thing, just with being gay or so on
Aero I think there was one or more just recently in the past couple days actually
Anonymous163633
Aero
If you've been around this chat a while, you'd probably have seen a lot of people saying basically that same exact thing, just with being gay or so on
I've never heard anyone say they acted on their thoughts or urges though. That's what caught me.
Aero Worrying about it being denial, used to be OCD, that it might be real now, feeling so real that it must be, etc
Anonymous163633
Anonymous163633
I've never heard anyone say they acted on their thoughts or urges though. That's what caught me.
I've been here for about a year now. I'm 18, this started when I was 17 and it's been rulling my life since. Now I did have days of good recovery but then it was just setback after setback
Aero I've seen it a lot, especially with harm OCD, "I'm worried I actually hurt someone", or "I think I hit somebody when driving", and often feeling so real
Aero In any case, she's fine and you're not a monster
Anonymous163633
Anonymous163633
I've been here for about a year now. I'm 18, this started when I was 17 and it's been rulling my life since. Now I did have days of good recovery but then it was just setback after setback
I'm also autistic which prevented me from getting treatment where I live. Where I am, doctors don't know ''what to do'' with autistic people.
Anonymous163633
Anonymous163633
I'm also autistic which prevented me from getting treatment where I live. Where I am, doctors don't know ''what to do'' with autistic people.
But in any case, thank you. I understand this must have been tiring.
Aero I think no words anyone says are going to really fix it, I'd suggest starting smaller on the ERP and don't overdo it, like Ali has said, trying to stick to around 7/10 or lower, in this case maybe smaller still just to be sure
Aero If you try something too hard and it gets the better of you, this is what happens, and everything is a ton more difficult
Anonymous163633
Aero
I think no words anyone says are going to really fix it, I'd suggest starting smaller on the ERP and don't overdo it, like Ali has said, trying to stick to around 7/10 or lower, in this case maybe smaller still just to be sure
Thing is, I did ERP for all of these thoughts and they came back still. I just hope they'll go away soon.
Aero It's not a one time fix, it takes consistency over time. It's a slow process
Anonymous163633
Aero
It's not a one time fix, it takes consistency over time. It's a slow process
But I thought that applied for just recovery overall, not just one specific thought
Aero It's for all of it. There's 2 parts really, the thoughts/themes, and the underlying pattern of anxiety that fuels the whole thing
Aero None of it really changes that quickly
Aero Progress is undone the more you fall into it, too
Anonymous163633
Aero
None of it really changes that quickly
The thing is, I know how this works, I've been trying for the last six months. I just keep falling down.
Aero Exactly. The up and down battle is exhausting, but it has to be consistently getting it right. I think Ali said something like around 80% getting it right. Honestly I find that falling down can undo a lot of progress
Aero It's doable, but it's not easy
Anonymous163633
Aero
Exactly. The up and down battle is exhausting, but it has to be consistently getting it right. I think Ali said something like around 80% getting it right. Honestly I find that falling down can undo a lot of progress
Yeah. I was quite ''crazyerfect'' with it. I felt it had to be all or nothing. I didn't take it day by day. In 6 hours, I would go from, watching an innocent interview of a celeb child to watching a documentary on pedophiles. I did too much.
Anonymous163633 *perfect
Aero Yeah. Sometimes it's like risking getting +2 progress instead of +1, but if you fail it's -10. It's not worth the gamble.
Aero Also you don't want to be flooding yourself with thoughts about it, it's too close to rumination anyways and makes your automatic thoughts come back to the topic too much
Aero Try to do other things you'd normally do more too
Aero (Just not too stressful if you can manage, or not big spikes of stress)
Anonymous163633
Aero
Also you don't want to be flooding yourself with thoughts about it, it's too close to rumination anyways and makes your automatic thoughts come back to the topic too much
I used to think it ould help. Ali says to do multiple exposures one after the other because then your brain will find it hard to latch on, but I find that my brain will latch on to multiple thoughts or situations as ''evidence''
Aero I don't remember it, but I think that might have meant with multiple themes. Other than that, I think it's about frequency, and she's also said things about that
Aero It can be helpful to do multiple throughout the day to speed things up, but that's like little 10 minute ones, not hours at a time
Aero You also have to be careful not to exhaust yourself to where you can't handle the random thoughts that just come normally. Even just managing with that can be hard on its own sometimes
Aero And of course when they're coming in automatically like that, those are already exposures
Anonymous163633
Aero
You also have to be careful not to exhaust yourself to where you can't handle the random thoughts that just come normally. Even just managing with that can be hard on its own sometimes
Yes, exactly. It got to the point where I made a playlist of kid videos and just watched them for hours a day to recover. I stopped actually living my life. That was the part I got wrong.
Aero Yeah, that's definitely too much
Anonymous163633
Aero
Yeah, that's definitely too much
Yeah like I couldn't even call my friend cause it was like ''No I have to do recovery work'', not realising that recovery work just meant disregarding the thoughts that do come in. And yes, on purpose exposures can help but not constant ones. That can still show your brain that this is too important, I find
Aero Yeah, sounds about right
Anonymous163633
Aero
Yeah, sounds about right
Thank you for this. I know reassurance isn't good but I feel like I needed it in order to be willing to do erp. It's also becoming clear that it's OCD because the thought kept coming back
Aero
Anonymous163633
Thank you for this. I know reassurance isn't good but I feel like I needed it in order to be willing to do erp. It's also becoming clear that it's OCD because the thought kept coming back
No problem, and makes sense to me
Customize

I have been suffering from Harm OCD since a decade. I had this feeling like something was wrong with me and I started avoiding objects like pillows,knives etc. Last year when covid started it became worst since I was locked inside house and there were no meeting with friends , I used to hardly sleep then I came across ali videos in YouTube I started watching her videos also joined the chat group I tried to follow most of the things ali told me but somehow I felt I needed more guidance about ERP that’s when I joined text support with Michele. She gave me proper knowledge about OCD and how it works ,she was always available whenever I texted her or when I felt stuck.She motivated me when I had bad days. It’s been 3 months now and i have seen lot of improvement in me ,i sleep well and i feel much happier now and more focused now. I am thankful for that. I will recommend Michele to anyone that needs guidance for their OCD.

– Ninthi

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