OCD Help Chat 
Anonymous178858 Looking for a therapist who can help me.
Helmut Schmacker
Seamstress
I seem to go up and down. Some days hardly any OCD thoughts and some days quite a few. Not sure why I can't just be done with OCD. Seem to hang unto it for some reason of course because of fear - the main reason I think that we all have OCD in one way or another. Hard not to beat myself up over it.
Don't be to hard on yourself. It's easy to feel weary and frustrated after you've suffered for so long. How do you feel about coaching? Having somebody there to push you each day and hold you accountable could be enough to get you over the finishing line. If that's not an option maybe a support buddy could help?
Helmut Schmacker
Anonymous178601
Would you guys recommend me to stop reading news article or news videos revolved around my ocd theme to help make the thoughts go away or would that count as avoidance?
I'll be back online a little later, if you're still looking for advice then I'll try to help. If Seamstress returns I would definitely ask her for help. She probably knows more about this condition than anyone else on the forum.
Seamstress
Helmut Schmacker
I'll be back online a little later, if you're still looking for advice then I'll try to help. If Seamstress returns I would definitely ask her for help. She probably knows more about this condition than anyone else on the forum.
I asked Ali the same question a little while ago and she suggested using the triggering articles as exposure and response therapy and after a while they will not bother you as much and then you can read the whole article for erp. I believe that is what she meant anyway.
Seamstress
Helmut Schmacker
Don't be to hard on yourself. It's easy to feel weary and frustrated after you've suffered for so long. How do you feel about coaching? Having somebody there to push you each day and hold you accountable could be enough to get you over the finishing line. If that's not an option maybe a support buddy could help?
Yes, I have considered it. Will think more about it.
Anonymous178601 Thank you guys! I will continue with the articles and videos then. I just want to get rid of this thoughts. I have Pure o but it has never been this bad.
Helmut Schmacker
Anonymous178601
Thank you guys! I will continue with the articles and videos then. I just want to get rid of this thoughts. I have Pure o but it has never been this bad.
Well done for reducing the time you spent ruminating, if you can stay motivated I'm sure you'll reduce it even further. Tracking can be a pain in the b**t when the thoughts are 24/7, but you're doing great. Keep going, amigo!
Anonymous178601 Thank you, amigo hopefully we all get recovered here soon and move on from this. However one last question for the day can articles and videos that you read be brought up by your ocd like they just keep replaying on what you read and saw. Like I mentioned it was never this bad so I never really put too much attention to it but ones I started doing erp all of that is brought up.
Anonymous178601 Its as if my ocd is trying to scare me again like my thoughts switch and then from time to time an article or video that i saw is brought up
Helmut Schmacker
Anonymous178601
Thank you, amigo hopefully we all get recovered here soon and move on from this. However one last question for the day can articles and videos that you read be brought up by your ocd like they just keep replaying on what you read and saw. Like I mentioned it was never this bad so I never really put too much attention to it but ones I started doing erp all of that is brought up.
My initial impression is that you may be spending to much time on the exposures(if watching vids and reading are the exposures)and not enough time doing the response prevention part. Once you start feeling that anxiety then it's time to go about your day,disregarding OCD thoughts(easy right).If you spend a lot of time reading and watching videos, then naturally these will be on your mind
Anonymous178601 Thank you yeah I have been spending a lot of time watching and reading and I disregard the thoughts but they start to change theme and go through everything that I have watched and read as well
Anonymous178601 However I still disregard for the whole day sometimes i end up doing a compulsion or rumminition but its getting better I believe but I just wanted to be sure that was something that tends to happen within an ocd theme I appreciate you guys
Anonymous178873 Hi, I have a question regarding OCD. Can it make you give into an urge? Like lets say for example I have the sudden thought of "don't clench your fists as hard as you can" out of nowhere. And then that brings a sensation to my hands, and it almost compels me to do that action. Well, what happens if you were to actually go through with it? Is it still OCD or just me at that point?
Seamstress
Anonymous178873
Hi, I have a question regarding OCD. Can it make you give into an urge? Like lets say for example I have the sudden thought of "don't clench your fists as hard as you can" out of nowhere. And then that brings a sensation to my hands, and it almost compels me to do that action. Well, what happens if you were to actually go through with it? Is it still OCD or just me at that point?
OCD can play many tricks and give you thoughts, urges and various physical symptoms. Don't try to figure out it all out, which is ruminating. Choose to disregard or the thoughts etc. will increase. Try to "nip it in the bud" so to speak.
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Anonymous178601 Do you guys ever laugh at the ocd thoughts like you catch and then your like wtf what kind of dumb thing is that lol. I know I am supposed to ignore it but sometimes I can't help but laugh at the thought saying like seriously ocd wtf.
Anonymous178601 And then there are other times I get anxiety
Anonymous177485
Anonymous178601
And then there are other times I get anxiety
Yeah sometimes I nervously laugh
Seamstress
Anonymous178601
Do you guys ever laugh at the ocd thoughts like you catch and then your like wtf what kind of dumb thing is that lol. I know I am supposed to ignore it but sometimes I can't help but laugh at the thought saying like seriously ocd wtf.
I am not sure that there is anything wrong with laughing at the thought.
Anonymous178984 Hey guys,so what should I do whenever an ocd thoughts comes up?
Seamstress
Anonymous178984
Hey guys,so what should I do whenever an ocd thoughts comes up?
Try not to pay attention to it and go on with your day. Have you watched Ali's videos. Many, many on this subject.
Anonymous179000 If you think about a memory and try really hard to remember but never actually remember or feel confident about doing it other than vague a scenario, that usually means it's Not Real right? Because I have False Memory OCD connected to something I did in the past and I have gone through it extensively, but I can't ever truly have a certain memory of the thing I fear I did
Anonymous179000 Just vague images and feelings that I did do it, sometimes I think "I would never do that" and sometimes I feel like I did, because it would've been so easy, but then I think I would never do it because of certain reasons, but then I feel like I'm applying my currently logic to my past logic that didn't know any better, and it's eating away at me.
Anonymous179000 I have gone through almost every single possibly scenerio in which I could have done it, but I never get a Real Memory of it, I also feel like I wouldn't just forget that I did it, but sometimes I feel like I did, because it would've been that easy for me to have done it so my brain tells me I would've done it if given the opportunity, but at the same time it's not something I would just do
Anonymous179000 I Feel like I'm Losing My Mind, I don't know what's Real and what's Not
Seamstress
Anonymous179000
I Feel like I'm Losing My Mind, I don't know what's Real and what's Not
You are ruminating. You are safe to disregard. The more you try to figure it out the worse it will get. Difficult but you need to not pay attention to these thoughts. OCD always feels so real. OCD always attacks the areas that mean the most to us. Try to do something now that will refocus your mind.
Anonymous179000 If I can't truly remember a certain or clear memory even after thinking about all the different scenarios that it could've happened, it's most likely not real right?
Anonymous178601 Does Ocd get bad for anyone else at night. Like I am able to disregard all day and the thoughts become less frequent as well but whenever I try to shut my eyes to sleep. The thoughts are like not tonight hombre. Other nights I am good like the past two nights were really good for some reason other nights are not.
Anonymous178601 I also want to mention. That I am really sleepy at this times I want to close my eyes and just go to sleep but the thoughts are persistent and keep me awake until 1 or 2 and then I just pass out
Seamstress
Anonymous179000
If I can't truly remember a certain or clear memory even after thinking about all the different scenarios that it could've happened, it's most likely not real right?
You are still ruminating and seeking reassurance. You need to not pay attention to the thoughts. Difficult I know.
Anonymous179038 hello. is anyone online?
Seamstress
Anonymous179038
hello. is anyone online?
How can I help?
Anonymous178601 How long do dreams of your ocd theme stick around? I am just tired of them and want them to stop happening.
Seamstress
Anonymous178601
How long do dreams of your ocd theme stick around? I am just tired of them and want them to stop happening.
I am not sure that I know the answer to that as that is not something I have dealt with in my own life. Not sure we have much control over our dreams, but I would think that the more OCD lessens during the day perhaps less dreams. The main thing I would think would be to accept that you have them but don't focus on the content.
Anonymous179038 i have bodily sensation ocd and i'm too focused on my genital area with the sensation are. sometimes i work best with disregard, sometimes i can't. any advice?
Seamstress
Anonymous179038
i have bodily sensation ocd and i'm too focused on my genital area with the sensation are. sometimes i work best with disregard, sometimes i can't. any advice?
Just keep doing what you are doing by disregarding. Eventually sensations should lessen if you don't focus on them.
Anonymous179038 okay will do. i have another question. sometimes, my brain will remind me of my ocd and sensations like "hey, its been a year and you still have this" and it makes me really scared. is it normal that my brain would remind me that way?
Seamstress
Anonymous179038
okay will do. i have another question. sometimes, my brain will remind me of my ocd and sensations like "hey, its been a year and you still have this" and it makes me really scared. is it normal that my brain would remind me that way?
Sounds like it might be your OCD reminding you of it, trying to get you back into ruminating. Treat like OCD and disregard. OCD has many tricks.
Anonymous179038 thank you. will do that
Anonymous179038 also, why disregarding hard sometimes?
Seamstress
Anonymous179038
also, why disregarding hard sometimes?
I think it is hard most times until brain starts to change. Keep up your recovery. We can all do it!
Anonymous179059 What is stopping me from recovery are my childhood memories. Every time HOCD comes back I try to fight it by avoiding doing compulsions and not analysing but some childhood memories, where for example I was looking at men in underwear (which I was turned on by then?) or masturbating to solo jerking off videos one or multiple times when I was young (12), are producing extreme anxiety
Anonymous179059
Anonymous179059
What is stopping me from recovery are my childhood memories. Every time HOCD comes back I try to fight it by avoiding doing compulsions and not analysing but some childhood memories, where for example I was looking at men in underwear (which I was turned on by then?) or masturbating to solo jerking off videos one or multiple times when I was young (12), are producing extreme anxiety
I remember well when I was about 10 me and a friend read a book about sexual things. There was a passage where it said something like„when the p***s gets aroused more and more there happens e*********n“. I remember being turned on by that thought and even masturbating to it later. This is the thought that by far is producing the most anxiety and is like a 100% proof that I‘m at least bi. I
Anonymous179059
Anonymous179059
I remember well when I was about 10 me and a friend read a book about sexual things. There was a passage where it said something like„when the p***s gets aroused more and more there happens e*********n“. I remember being turned on by that thought and even masturbating to it later. This is the thought that by far is producing the most anxiety and is like a 100% proof that I‘m at least bi. I
I mean how can someone be straight if he was jerking to dicks an was aroused by these thoughts? I never ever chased men in real life or thought about doing something with their dicks but like I said in certain situations I was turned on by them. In Real Life I only was turned on by girls not one time by men. It feels like before puberty I was gay, in puberty straight then.
Helmut Schmacker Afternoon chaps, how's it going today?
Anonymous179093 Can someone help me please how to deal with these memories
Helmut Schmacker
Anonymous179093
Can someone help me please how to deal with these memories
Are you the HOCD sufferer above, worried about your childhood memories?
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Could this be ROCD? Or am I just in denial..

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Hi there,

I am 36 years old and have suffered from anxiety and what I now know as intrusive thoughts since my early 20s.
Over 3 weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night with this thought that I don’t love my partner of 2 years and shouldn’t be with him. This was a very disturbing thought as I love him very much, we just moved in together 6 months ago and we were in the middle of a wonderful Christmas break so this immediately caused a massive panic attack. And every day after followed by repeated thoughts and panic attacks. I wasn’t able to eat or sleep. The thoughts are either I don’t love him, I never have or I should be alone as I don’t know myself at all or I’m just repeating history with him (I was in a 11 year relationship that ended 4 years ago, but other than how we met being similar they are nothing the same). I follow this by checking pictures of us to remember how much fun we have or repeatedly going to look at him to see how I feel or calling my mom for reassurance. I’ve either been distant or clingy. And googling obsessively what could be wrong (this has gotten bad and how I came across this forum). I also have intense guilt that every nice thing I do or say is a lie and I should just break up with him. Which would be awful as we have a great partnership that deserves more than that. I went to my doctor and he put me on 10mg of fluoxetine for anxiety and the last 2 weeks have been really hard. Amplified anxiety that swings to depression in a moment, horrible insomnia, irritability, weight loss. I haven’t been able to concentrate on work at all or even get through a tv show. It is slowly getting better but the thoughts are still there. In all of my googling I came across ROCD and I’m wondering if this is what it could be.. or am I just hanging onto something? It doesn’t make sense, I want to be with this person and make a life with him. But if this feeling doesn’t go away I don’t know how I can. Every time I feel good or happy I think about that and get anxiety about getting anxiety.
I talked to my therapist about if she thought I could have OCD but she just told me to stop googling. But the googling makes me feel better so it’s tough to stop. I’m starting to just feel nothing and not even know who I am anymore or what I want. This has been the scariest and most confusing month and I would love some guidance.

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hi, you DEFINITELY HAVE OCD

this is all ocd

please go on YouTube and learn ERP and start doing it immediately. 

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also, you need a therapist who is trained in ERP. you need a therapist who does OCD specific treatment. talk therapy doesn't work. its called ERP. stop engaging your thoughts immediately, that's the first step. any time your mind wants to figure out why you feel a certain way for your spouse you need to dismiss the thought. its not real, its ocd. trust me on this. Your post could have been written by me. 

If you cant switch therapists look up NOCD or just do a ton of research and learn ERP. please do it immediately, it will change your life. you don't need to be sitting miserably and fearing your life like this.  a month ago I was you, I contemplated suicide. then I found out I had ocd. 

trust me! trust me. 

Sophia has reacted to this post.
Sophia
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Thank you so much for this response. I will start on ERP. I have already decided that I will tell my therapist tonight that I will probably find someone new. 
I keep second guessing myself and wondering if I really just want to be alone. Or if I’m just clinging to this idea and to him out of fear. But it makes no sense. I love him. Everything was good. And it makes me so sad because he is so good to me. I did tell him I had doubts a couple times when this first started but luckily came across these forums and read that was a compulsion and to stop so I haven’t done it since. But the guilt is crippling. I would love to tell him this is what is happening but I don’t think he would buy it unless I got an actual diagnoses. 

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I know exactly how you feel. When you come to understand ocd and the ocd cycle it will be like a revelation. However it has latched onto your partner so it is going to take a lot of scary work to overcome this. It has nothing to do with your spouse. Ocd just latches into any thought that scares you. I know it’s not making sense right now and all you want to do is check to see if you love your spouse, i am going through the same thing, but I know better now. And the fact that you’re here means you love him and want to heal so you can be with him. Ocd is a sickness and a bully. It convinces you of the worst things imaginable. But it’s all ocd, it’s not real. I don’t know how else to explain it. 
I am still struggling too as I had a lapse this week due to added stress from school. But I know with erp I can overcome this, I’ve seen the light. You can too! Please keep me posted on your progress if possible on here! 

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Thank you so much. This is definitely all very scary and confusing. My therapist seems open to exposure therapy so I will give her one more session. There are long wait lists for all of the ocd specialists in my area and NOCD isn’t offered here as I’m in Canada. But I decided to book an appointment with Ali Greymond just to see if she can help me get started on ERP. I talk to her today.

I really hope you are starting to feel better. I will keep you posted.

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Ah Yea, NOCD needs to branch out. Hopefully Ali can get you situated. OCD therapists will say their only job is to teach you the skill set you need to do erp on your own so don’t fret too much. I know a British ocd specialist has mentioned Better Help but I’m unsure if they have ocd specialists. You can also buy yourself an ERP workbook written by an ocd specialist and work through it with a therapist so they have to follow those guidelines but I’ve heard many therapists complain on the OCD Stories about non ocd specialists dealing with the nuances wrong bc ocd is so personal and yet soooooooo repetitive! 

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Also wait lists have been growing bc of Covid and lockdown. People are stuck with their heads all day and no one, ocd or not, should be taking the doo-doo their brain farts out seriously. Maybe in the meantime try to get outside of your head and find something you can focus on while still allowing those thoughts to be a bad song on repeat in the background? You can’t make them go away but you can remind them of how seriously you’re going to take them. Brain farts. We get like 70,000 thoughts a day and tons of them are effed up. Just like clouds go by in the sky all day, you’ve just picked one out to scream and yell at. Not your fault! That’s ocd. But it’s also just brain farts. It’s debilitating to go through but recovery is very achievable and after you’ll have better skills than the general population when it comes to playing around with the doo-doo from brain farts. Best wishes!

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OP, that's great about booking with Ali, how did it go??

As for ocd treatment, you truly just need to learn how to do ERP. it involves naming your triggers, obsessive thoughts, and compulsions, and dealing with them head on through ERP. You can see results within weeks, and its kind of a skill that you have to keep working at to get right. But once you learn it, you can use it the rest of your life. 

I also use an ROCD app that helps with positive self talk, its called GGTude ROCD. Try it in addition to the ERP. it helps you think more positively. but it is not a replacement for ERP. ERP is the only thing that works for OCD.