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Why can’t I recover

Hi Ally, 

I would assume I’m in the later stages of recovery. I only ruminate at worst 5 to 10 minutes a day.  But normally 1 to 2 minutes a day.

My problem is the theme that i have been ruminating about ( only for 1-2 min) just won’t seem to go away. Even though it’s good that the rumination is down. This OCD theme I have just won’t seem to go away. I know you’re not supposed to look for certainty with OCD but in the past, after a week of bringing down my rumination, I had that a ha moment where I realized that OCD theme was silly. 

I still feel like although the rumination is down a lot, the theme is still bugging in the back of my head unsolved. Even though it’s been over a month and I can’t get that a ha moment that will relieve me of this theme.

So my main question is, Am I doing everything correctly. Do I continue to disregard like I have been doing with this theme. Maybe this is part of the recovery process where OCD is slowly dying?

I know I am not Ali but I think I can help. OCD will try everything to get you to play along bc it craves certainty. It will recycle through old thoughts, find new ones (like “why can’t I recover?”), and tell you that what you’re doing will help you figure it out... this time. Just continue to disregard. If you are not choosing it, it’s not important to ruminate over. It also helps to start expanding this process to areas outside your ocd theme as we reinforce those behaviors when we continue to do them if it’s not ocd. OCD picks whatever is most important to us, our current theme, recovery, ocd, whatever. But the way we react is a behavioral habit that drives the fear cycle. Learning how to break that habit outside ocd can provide a lot of insight to how it works when it’s extra terrifying. Some use a worry jar or a worry list they check a week later. It almost always never matters a week later! Some set aside time to ruminate about small problems for thirty minutes a day and reject the rest. Things like bills I mean and not am I a bad person. Some make a firm choice to only be concerned when the emt is telling them that they are, in fact, having a heart attack. This really helps you recognize that urge to “fix” an uncertainty. To stop asking “how high?” when the brain says “jump.”

I lengthened my recovery process by a lot bc I became focused on being “recovered.” Back to “normal.” When will it happen, am I doing it right, maybe I need to try harder, etc,. I would suggest you continue to disregard and welcome uncertainty in everything related to your ocd including recovery. Ali has some videos on the last step of recovery and OCD’s biggest lie that you may find helpful as well. 

I hope this helps. 

Thank you. this helps a lot. I will continue to welcome the uncertainty and disregard it. I am at that stage where I wonder if I'm doing recovery correctly. And don't want it to prolong my recovery.