Please or Register to create posts and topics.

TW: LOVE IS A CHOICE

I’ve been feeling anxious for the last 4 months and I can’t with it anymore 

How did you overcome the fact that u don’t feel in love all the time and that love is a choice ! It’s a huge trigger for me 

i keep being anxious  which causes me not feeling anything which makes me wanna kill myself so yes ..I’m struggling 

thanks 

You need to stop ruminating it’s a compulsion. Look up to meet with Ali, NOCD, better help, or a local (even state-wide) ocd specialist. The more you try to figure this out the worse it will get. And stop looking for reassurance!!! It won’t help at all. You need to learn how to stop asking the question. 

Quote from Guest on January 16, 2021, 3:25 pm

I’ve been feeling anxious for the last 4 months and I can’t with it anymore 

How did you overcome the fact that u don’t feel in love all the time and that love is a choice ! It’s a huge trigger for me 

i keep being anxious  which causes me not feeling anything which makes me wanna kill myself so yes ..I’m struggling 

thanks 

Hi, 

So firstly you need to remember that in a relationship there's never passion, butterflies, firworks all the time. Sometime we feel a loooot of love and some days we feel less or we don't feel "love" as romatic novels, movies and writers describe it but that's normal, we're not in hollywood but we're real life 🙂 

Sometimes you feel a lot of love, sometimes you don't but you still do acts of love: making breakfast, holding hands, making dinner, kiss forehad or whatever and sometimes you don't feel like do it all the time and that's also ok, you know? Love is choosing the same person over and over again despite ups and down wich are normal. 

Tha fact that you want  to be with that person no matter what is already love, you know it's worth it, you know you care, you know your partner makes you happy, etc. That's love, love sometimes doesn't "feel" like love you know, it's a huge group of things together: emotions, actions and feelings too but they're not so visible everytime. MOSTLY when we're suffering with anxiety and OCD which makes us LOOK EFFORTLESS by THAT kind of feeling that doesn't exist, that's why we keep looking as a compulsion, because it's not possible to always feel it everytime and with anxiety/OCD 10 out of 10.... you can try as much as you want it that you're never gonna find THAT feeling because that's not how it works. 

You really need to stop doing compulsions and ruminating that's what makes that feelings and thoughts feel so real. It's part of the cycle. Hope you're doing well. 🙂 

In the recovery process when ruminating less about relationship ( and questioning if my partner really loves me and looking for reassurance ) sometimes ocd wants to trick me and throws thoughts at me that since I don’t do that as much I must love him less. That way ocd wants me to get hooked in rumination that way. I’m sure that if by practice I overcome that one it’ll throw some other random crap at me. When my respond to that is anxiety and emotional pain I know it’s ocd and not me so I try to acknowledge it and refocus and find something that feels better to me. It seems like it’s easy to write or do but took years of therapy, meds, energy and education not to spiral down all the way to having suicidal thoughts. It’s a process but the recovery is doable.