It's so uncertain and feel real

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I m fed up with this hocd thing........I get intrusive thoughts...... attraction n all shits.... yesterday I left my self free.......I viewed a pic and it made me feel he is good looking....n just imagined that I really got attracted...and try to get aroused.... like I enjoy it.....and bang.....it felt real....I got no anxiety.....I always got panic and anxiety from past one year.....now this shit is telling me everything is over I am gone.....