Im back xd wish i didn't but i need help again or i don't know what i will do

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So well as i say a few days ago i got a panick attack cuz i believe for a seconds that my mother was poisoning me and i see myself crazy, and now is another thing i think, maybe is again my fucking ocd trying to fuck me but i don't know, im gonna explain myself: now instead of being my mother, they are my parents, I ask myself and mentally check to see if I believe it, but now I have a feeling that is giving me fear or anguish because I feel crazy, let me explain again xd: it is that for a few seconds I feel that I have stopped being reasonable or I am reasonable but with my crazy self and is true what i'm scared to believe, i mean, my parents want to kill me and I see it as something normal, as it is the reality and I don't see it as something irrational, like is true and i'm sure about It cause that's the true for my mind or me idk hope somebody can understand me and that's the feeling but that fucking scared me, because I feel that I have stopped being myself, and now I am crazy, because this thing that I just explained happens to me, I really want to believe that it is only my ocd and my pure o, but I feel so normal when that happens, as if it were the truth, I know very well that this is a lie, I know that they do not want to kill me, I don't doubt of it, although sometimes I feel that they do and I feel as if I suspect them, but I know that it is not real, my parents for me, they are my world so I really do not know if it is ocd picking on my parents or I am crazy or schizophrenic or psychotic but i'm so done

 thanks for all those who respond and sorry for bothering so much ?

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You are ruminating still and are coming here looking for people to tell you this is just ocd. It clearly isn’t helping you so I would suggest you stop doing it. Start tracking the time and commit to reducing rumination no matter what. No matter how you feel or how real it feels. Hold yourself accountable and come here only to post your times or to discuss how you feel outside of your ocd. No more reassurance seeking. 

Anything that counts as taking those thoughts, urges, images, sensations, feelings etc seriously is rumination. Problem solving is rumination. Asking questions is rumination. Trying to solve them is rumination. Anything you do to try and reduce the feelings you get when these thoughts happen count as compulsions. Stop doing all of them. Otherwise you will only get worse. I hope this helps. 

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