I am so scared of asking it

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please, anyone just had this thought "I want to do that" or "I need to do it"? please, someone help me. I don't know what's happening to me. I am desperate. 

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You need to stop ruminating it’s a compulsion. Look up to meet with Ali, NOCD, better help, or a local (even state-wide) ocd specialist. The more you try to figure this out the worse it will get. And stop looking for reassurance!!! It won’t help at all. You need to learn how to stop asking the question.