Please or Register to create posts and topics.

Changes and ROCD attacks, sadly.

Hi, 

My boyfriend and I are together for 2 years now and it's the most beautiful story/love I have, I don't want to lose him and us, I love him so much. Of course with rocd my love for him has been doubted but I do love him so much, of course we're together for a long time so it's normal that that's no passion every single time and this is a huge trigger for me but I know it, love doesn't feel like "love" all the time and it's normal , that doesn't mean we don't love each other, it's just part of the relationship. 

We're thinking on living together and in my deep end I feel so happy, because I want it so badly and I know I want him and us to continue creating this pretty story of us but this decision we're wmaking just triggred anxiety and ROCD like "do you really want this? what if you don't want this? what is in the future you guys just broke up? what if he starts to irritate you since living with another person it's not as easy as it seems? (like it's normal, we love each and we are humans so there are days when we just want to be left alone and that's fine and another what if's...) I know this is a huge decision for us e for every couple because it's a huge step and it's obviously sacry as sh*t for all of us. Like getting married or having kids, it doesn't mean we don't love our partner, all the thoughts came back, like I feel empty and scared and axious and ot all seems real again and there I go "do I feel the same? is it worth it?" like... I know it is, I know how happy I am with him and us and when I'm unhappy it's because of the things inside my head, it's heartbreaking. Truly. 

Do you guys felt this already in big changes? 🙁

No matter what OCD theme we have I find that the road to recovery begins with stopping going over "What if" questions and continuing to ruminate on all the things that may or may not happen. There is no certainty in relationships. Of course you are anxious because it would be a big change in your life. Accept that you are anxious and that you have lots of questions but try not to give the questions any power by focusing on them. Accept that you have them but don't give them any energy.

Best wishes on your recovery. 

I have been suffering with the same situation as you for 4 years in my relationship until I learned that o have ROCD. It’s painful, triggering and exhausting. I would compare how he was behaving after the “ hormonal “ part of dating changed into more “ realistic “ I would be scared when the amount of surprises, romance, passion was getting getting smaller and smaller. I would doubt that he could love me because he wasn’t acting the same way as at the beginning. The main part of ocd is an anxiety so I would scan his face expression, posture or behavior to make I’m still safe and loved. Seeking all that reassurance. In case he was tired or not in a good mood I took it personally and start ruminate if I should be with him because he may not love me anymore and I’m putting time and energy into this relationship bla bla bla. It was to prepare myself for the worst ( ocd is also catastrophizing, worrying ...) and sometimes even trigger events that would lead to a brake up to finish it first and protect myself from hurt. And all that bc of ocd. I’m very happy to be in contact with people and read their stories that are so similar bc it shows me that it’s ocd. It is like seamstress wrote some level of anxiety is normal in big changes but not responding in ocd way is our choice. Nobody can tell what future brings but not enjoying the present and learn to tolerate that “ normal “ level of anxiety will make your company way more pleasant to your partner. Ocd was ruining my relationship... I get it now 🙂