Quote from andrey_m on February 9, 2021, 3:12 pm
Hello. I have False Memory OCD. For the last two months, the topic has been connected with the fact that I suddenly attacked a person. It all started with the usual thought that I suddenly attacked, but I realized that I did not remember leaving. Then I thought that I suddenly attacked a man somewhere in the entrance of my house. I felt terribly mentally and the next days I pondered this thought and, as it were, imagined the thought that I wanted to attack, in order to understand whether I had such a thought then, after which the thought immediately occurred that I suddenly attacked now. Suddenly, for a while, I imagined the thought that I wanted to attack, and suddenly I had a thought and suddenly I attacked. But I realized that I did not remember leaving. The next days I also imagined a thought, it interrupted the old one and I worried about the new OCD situation. Now I understand that all those situations were like a cycle. I was pondering the old OCD situation, imagining the thought, and the thought immediately occurred to me that I suddenly attacked and I was thinking about this OCD situation. The thoughts began to come that I suddenly attacked a man and carried him to a room that was located next to the apartment, but which was closed, the keys to it were with the neighbors. After the thought came that I suddenly attacked, I worried that suddenly the door was open, suddenly I carried a person there. But the door was closed. Over time, thoughts began to come that I suddenly carried the man into the hatch, which is located near the house. I looked at the hatch and tried to lift it, but the cover was very heavy. I realized that I could not lift it. Then I thought that I suddenly carried the man into one of the hatches, which are located near other entrances. I looked at these hatches. Tried to raise the roof. Then the thought came into my head that I suddenly carried the man into some kind of hatch located somewhere in the district. I walked around the courtyards, looked at the hatches, tried to figure out which one was open. In the meantime, I realized that all thoughts about the fact that I suddenly attacked are connected with the fact that I kind of imagine these thoughts, that I kind of want. But then I noticed that thoughts about the fact that I suddenly attacked come not only because I imagined a thought, but also from the fact that, for example, when I slept at night and pondered some thought, it occurred to me thought that I suddenly attacked. In the morning I realized that I didn’t remember that time clearly and the thought came into my head that suddenly I was leaving, suddenly I attacked. Also, the thought came when I was irritated and, as it were, thoughts that I want to attack from irritation came to my mind, the thought that suddenly I attacked, panic, excitement came to my mind. Then I was very scared by the thought. I understood that I did not remember leaving, but I remembered the irritation and the thought that suddenly I attacked came into my head. I understood that this OCD situation is one of the strongest blows from the OCD, but the thought came into my head that suddenly it was not an OCD, suddenly I attacked. I walked around and looked at the hatches. I tried to understand if I was in those places where the hatches are. But before a week had passed since that OCD situation, a new OCD situation happened a few days later. I was lying on the couch, could not sleep, I was attacked by these performances. OCD was like trying to lure me into a state so that I could start imagining a thought again and get a new thought that suddenly I was attacked. I slept and, imagining how I was lying, as if imagined something for a second and then the thought came that suddenly I attacked. Suddenly I got up and suddenly I left the house, suddenly I attacked. I realized that I did not remember leaving, but imagined some kind of thought. The next day I slept during the day. And when I woke up a few hours later, I recalled that when I slept in my head there were thoughts that I suddenly attacked. I began to worry that suddenly I was leaving the apartment, suddenly I attacked then. But I didn't remember leaving. The next day, I was attacked by OCD all day and seemed to shout that I should think about the situation that I suddenly attacked then. I pondered and, as it were, twice imagined the thought that suddenly I had attacked, after which the thought came that suddenly I had just attacked. But I understand that most likely I imagined a thought and I don't remember leaving. I went to bed in the afternoon. I slept for three hours, maybe more. I don’t remember exactly how I woke up and I don’t clearly remember that time, but I kind of imagined the thought that I wanted to attack or something like that. The thought immediately occurred to me that I suddenly attacked. I was lying on the couch. I understood that I did not remember leaving, but what I imagined was very frightening to me. The thought came into my head that suddenly I had not imagined, suddenly I had a real thought. I did not understand why I imagined this thought. But I realized that I was half asleep and perhaps had no control over the appearance of this imagination of thought. But thoughts came into my head that I suddenly attacked. I was locked in the apartment, and the second keys were hidden. I didn't know where. I got up and started looking for them. I have not found them. But thoughts crept into my head that suddenly I got up then, suddenly I found them, suddenly I attacked, suddenly I put them where I found and forgot. But I couldn't forget if I found the keys. I would like to hear your opinion on this situation. Is this false memory OCD? What is this "imagination of thought". Why am I imagining such thoughts? I am very worried that I do not have a panic. The thought that suddenly in the last situation I attacked, suddenly I did not imagine something, and suddenly I wanted and suddenly I attacked. I am very worried about the latter situation and would like to hear your opinion. Thanks in advance for your reply.