Quote from ImAaronKelly on January 26, 2021, 7:16 pm
Hello OP! First thing's first! YOU ARE NORMAL. You are ruminating! This is absolutely your OCD! Your OCD is spiking your anxiety when you get stuck ruminating. There is a big difference between knowing and believing thoughts to be true and not true. You can know your thoughts DON'T mean anything but you can still believe they do. Just because you know they don't mean anything doesn't change your deep-rooted beliefs on whether you believe your thoughts to having meaning or not. You say you are scared because you think you are gonna believe the thoughts about your mother poising you to be true but you have to understand that you are ruminating and that any question after that is all OCD. What you are doing is analyzing these thoughts and asking more and more questions that lead to more what if's and question's about what these thought's mean about you. You ARE RUMINATING AND ANALYZING. you even say "when I'm checking to myself to see if those thoughts are true this happened," This is a compulsion! Your analysis of the thoughts leads you to do a compulsion. Your compulsion, in this case, is checking yourself so you feel a certain way so you can "confirm" whether these thoughts are true or not. What you need to become aware of is that this is all OCD. When you become aware of the anxiety you need to stop and disregard the thoughts. When you don't do this you get stuck in the anxiety your explaining in your post. You've trained your brain to react in fear every time your OCD switches themes in this case your mother. So now every time this thought about your mother comes up you get stuck ruminating and doing analyses and compulsion loops. Ali has tons of videos on how to stop ruminating on her youtube channel. Watch this video here!