Quote from andrey_m on July 30, 2021, 10:21 am
Hello. Wanted to hear some advice on False Memory OCD. I have been suffering from this ailment for over a year now. Thoughts are connected with the fact that suddenly I attacked a person and forgot, suddenly I did something bad and forgot. But only these very doubts are due to specific thoughts. During the year of suffering from this disorder, I realized what exactly is causing these thoughts. Thoughts come to me in the form of desire. For example, a feeling and a desire to attack a person comes to me. As if the intention. As soon as I feel it, it immediately seems to me that I have already done it, because I wanted it. And I can't figure out, I just imagined this feeling or I did it. Recently, OCD has worsened significantly. As I go about my business, I am attacked by a million compulsive desires to do a terrible thing. I cannot control these desires. They seem to be mine. I kind of want it, but I understand that I don't want it. I can't get rid of their appearance in any way. As soon as they appear, it immediately seems to me that I have already done it, and until I think it over and remember exactly what I imagined and prove that it was ocd, it will not become easier for me. Recently I was sitting and listening to music and I was madly attacked by the desire to attack a man on the street. I realized that I did not want this, but it feels like something is sitting in me and really wants me to do it. I also had a bad habit that I refrain from. I began to imagine something and then the thought came to me that I had already done it and I cannot understand whether I did it or not. I myself did not clearly understand what I was imagining, but I am afraid that this is true, because I most likely imagined something like that. It seemed so realistic to me that I did it, that I fell into a big depression, did not know how to live. After all, I just cannot understand what happened there. Was it or not. This doubt destroyed me, and in parallel I was attacked again by these thoughts in the form of a desire to attack a person or do other bad actions. I understood the valerian. I noticed how strange I began to feel. Those thoughts became somehow not scary and I was scared of this. I went to bed. I remember going to the toilet in the morning. I don't remember this clearly. I went to the toilet and lay down on the sofa, and then apparently these thoughts began to attack me again in the form of desires to attack a person. I most likely imagined this thought, that is, as if I wanted to do it or something like that, and the thought immediately occurred to me that I had just attacked. I could not understand what had happened and apparently went to bed. Waking up a couple of hours later, I realized that it seemed to me that I had attacked, that I wanted to attack, because I cannot prove and explain to myself what I had imagined, what had happened. I don’t know how to live. Feelings of guilt are destroying me. I feel like this frustration is killing my life. It has already taken away a lot, destroyed a lot. Listening to Ali, I realize that I have False Memory OCD, but I worry that it’s not OCD anymore. After all, Ali says that thoughts arise about the distant past or simply in the form of doubts, but in me they appear from clear actions, that is, from obsessive thoughts in the form of desires and I do not know how to interpret my disorder and what exactly is happening to me?