Quote from Corey27 on July 20, 2021, 3:25 am
Hi, I have had OCD from a young age and have just had a bit of a relapse the past few days, differnce is this is the first time I’ve relapsed in a year and first first time I’ve relapsed off medication and out of therapy since then. I’m a bit lost and just need some help and hoping people are on here.
my mind is just constantly racing at the moment and can’t shut it up, I’ve dealt with relapses before and stopped it but I just don’t know how to with this one. At the moment it just feels like I want to and the question I can’t get out of my head is, is killing so bad, is it so bad to hurt someone if you just kill someone these thoughts will stop and you won’t feel sad the thoughts will stop if you do. And I’m so scared of that thought I’ve dealt with it before and I’ve overcome it but I’ve forgotten what I did to overcome my 2 year battle with this. Has anyone dealt with that thought before, cause I don’t want to kill/hurt people I hate it I’ve always been apolegitc even scratching someone and I don’t like causing harm I promise. But it feels so real like I want to kill so I can stop the thoughts but I don’t cause I hate it but it’s just the feelings and I hate the feelings they won’t go away. It’s wierd also cause I don’t know what’s wrong with me other than that that’s why it’s hard to make it go away the past week. It’s just feels like I want to see harm and that it won’t cause me pain. Like for example my minds convinced me if I see someone kill someone I’ll like it, but I accidentally hurt my dog before and I felt so guilty I don’t want to even see people get hurt I don’t like it.
I guess I’m just a little lost at the moment and seeking re assurance that somebody else has had these thoughts. I know it’s bad to seek re assurance but just tough atm. Just struggling to figure it out without a therapist.
just hoping someone can see these post and tell me I won’t ever hurt someone like that and things will get better again. Just fearing that it’ll go on and won’t stop again