Quote from Guest on January 11, 2021, 11:45 am
Quote from Guest on January 3, 2021, 1:02 pm
Another day another setback, lol. Here in England the two communities with the highest rates of infection are African and gay men. As such I go to great lengths to avoid them whenever I can.
No such luck today however. My Amazon package was delivered by an African male and as such, I have to remain indoors for a minimum of six days in order to be absolutely sure any blood that he may have left on the garden gate will not pose a risk to me.
If I keep staying indoors again and don't go out and exercise I'm going to get another blood clot in my leg (I stayed indoors three months the last time this happened and had my first blood clot then) and perhaps I won't survive the next one.
I really want to be able to look at this major obstacle as a challenge that I must overcome, but it's so frightening for me. If there's any blood left on the gate it really could be contaminated.
I guess what I'm really asking is how do you find the strength and courage to face one of your worst nightmares?
I think that everything was said in previous comment. You need to accept the risk. If it helps somehow I can tell you that I used to suffer from the same. I was terrified to touch something outside. Sometimes I couldn't get to the shop because the door was not open and I didn't want to touch it. I have to wash my hands all the time but only at home. When we went for a trip somewhere I didn't use the toilet all day long till we didn't come back home. Hence I absolutely understand you. But today I do not have anything like this. I can touch everything outside, I can go to the public toilet, I do not have any problem with it. To be honest I do not really remember how I overcame this because that time I thought that it is only me who has such a problem. I didn't even know that something like OCD exists. I simply overcame it. I was probably fed up of being scared all the time. I noticed that I am hiding from people and this was so frightening. I simply wanted to live my life. And see? Nothing happened. I am still here, I am alive, I do not have HIV. It has been about 15 years ago I suffered from this. Just try to ignore those feelings of uncertainity. Do not wash your hands, go outside, do not avoid people. If someone is gay or African it doesn't mean he or she has HIV. There are many non African people and straight people who has HIV among us. Please do not hide, do not avoid people, friends. Really it is pointless, trust me. And do not allow OCD to steal your life. Everytime you feel anxiety remind yourself that it is 'only' OCD trying to get you back.